Please help me... Im at my whit's end!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Please help me... Im at my whit's end!!
18
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 3:23pm
HI everyone,

I have been married for 4 yrs now and we have a beautiful 2 1/2 yr old daughter together. I am 23 and my husband is 28 he is also in the Army active duty. My problem is that we got married at 19 and 24 and he started keeping thngs from me from the start. We didnt know each other very long b4 we married and he failed to tell me his car wanst paid for. Needless to say I got a shock when a collector called. then he started calling his ex fiance when we fought about something and I wouldnt talk to him. I found out about this 6 mo into our marriage. WEll long story short. He has been overseas for a while and came back last year. His deployment probably saved our marriage. We were separated when He got his orders and he started being affectionate towards me and opening up to me. Now things are back to normal and he is closed up and angry about stuff all the time. He says he's not happy and he knows IM not either. He thinks there isnt any hope for our marriage and that we always end up the way we started. He has said before that he wants me to stay and he loves me but he isn't in love with me. WE are both so emotionally detached. I for one am on prozac because I have a problem with depression and anxiety attacks. I have been having a problem with my meds lately and theyu have been switching them up a lot. I know that a lot of this is probably my fault because I am too critical of him. I love him with all my heart and want to be with him. HOw in the world do you get your husband to wantto be with you again? He is always angry and I have spoken to him about goign to get his blood pressure checked because his mother and grandfather both had hot tempers and then they got theirs under control and they arent so angry all the time. I think thats whats wrong with him but he wont get help. What do I do? PLEASE HELP ME

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 3:44pm
woslambert...

It's too bad there wasn't more time for you and your husband to "bond" before he went into the service. But there's an inherited trait (HIS TEMPER) that will probably do your marriage in. If he's acting like his Mother and Grandfather did...there's very little you can say that'll help him.

He might view YOU as the problem in his life...now that he's back home. I'll bet this is adding to the stress connected with your depression and anxiety?

Do you have a family member or close friend whom you (and your daughter) could stay with...for at least a month? It's obvious that your husband won't realize how important the 2 of you are until there's some separation time.

Meanwhile...see if your doctor can prescribe a different anti-depressive and anti-anxiety pill? PROZAC is guaranteed to mess up your head...along with the heads of the people you associate with. GOOD LUCK!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:21pm
Prozac is guaranteed to mess up your head? Explain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 6:17am
ivdarian...

As with all medications...and the way people use them...chemical imbalances or unexpected side effects can often occur. I'm sure your doctor has related this to you about any prescription you might be taking?

I seem to remember reading somewhere that prozac is an "addictive" drug.

But since Pianoguy is a musician and not a doctor...YOU might want to do an on-line search and get the complete story about prozac before you use it?

Just an idea from...

Pianoguy

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 10:02am
Prozac is not an addictive drug. You can pretty much stop it at any time. Doctors recommend weaning, as there are some withdrawal effects, but it's not something that you feel you "need", as is the case with Xanax, and many other tranquilizers (not antidepressents, though) I was on it for about 2 years for depression and anxiety and had good results....HOWEVER, it stopped working. As a result, my doctor doubled my dose and it made me CRAZY! I developed Obsessive Compulsive disorder from taking the double dose. So yes, they can do weird things to you, and your brain can change how it reacts to the drug, even after you've had success after a long time. You should certainly consider a different medication if this one is no longer working. My doctor explained that Prozac is really not the best for anxiety. There are newer, other drugs that are better and have fewer side effects.

That said, as far as this marriage is concerned, your husband doesn't want to see a counselor and is determined that it's not going to get any better. Therefore, you can do what he wants and just 'stick around' with someone who's not in love with you, or you can take control of your life and make some decisions of your own. Tell him you are going to speak to a counselor, either with or without him. If he refuses to go, this will tell you lots about what kind of efforts he's willing to put into your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 11:30am
Blondie,

Thanks for the response. As for today. I havebeen fighting with him yet again. I sell pampered chef and I had a show last night that lasted quite a while because the host had a "sex toy" party afterwards. well i left at 530 and dindt get home till 1am. For one we started late and finished late. He was home with our little girl which isnt that often that he has her. He was mad at me because I was gone so long. So today he gets up and packs a bag with clothes and says he is going to play golf and then going to the gym and he took dress clothes so I asked him if he had other plans and he said no. WEll later in the convo he said he didnt want to be drilled about where he goes or what he does. Then he left and came back like 20min later and said his friends were still passed out from the night before and acted like nothing happened between us. ONe minute he is telling me to go home (which is 6 hrs away in birmingham) and another he is saying he loves me before he walks out the door. And then saying he isnt in love with me. I dont know what to do or how to take this

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 11:32am
Pianoguy,

Thank you for your advice. YOu know right now I think its a matter of me leaving. Because he just doesnt want to work out anything. ONe minute he says he wants to get professional help and the next he is saying he doesnt have a problem. REad the reply to blondie's please. Thank you again for the advice. I want to go home but I feel like im running away and its 6hrs away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:01pm
woslambert...

I don't think there's a single poster in ivillage who hasn't "wanted to run away" at one time or another? When the s**t hits the fan too often, running away is an easier choice!

But ask yourself: "IS MY ESCAPE GOING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS I HAVE OR JUST MAKE ME FEEL BETTER TEMPORARILY?" When you're in a bad situation...AND YOU ARE...this can often be a difficult call. Being miserable inside..and on the outside with people you love...isn't a good way to live your life.

So whatever your choice happens to be, I hope you'll consider the positives and negatives with a clear head....okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:08pm
blondie...

I think you reinforced my point concerning: "THE SIDE EFFECTS?"

After a surgery, 3 years ago...PROZAC was one of several drugs Pianoguy was asked to take on a regular basis...and the side effects were devastating! Basic body functions got fouled up and there was limited sleep.

In your case, it sounds like you had built up an immunity to the drug after 2 years?

As far as an anxiety or depression alternative...I'm sure there are plenty of other drugs out there? But if you take 2 or more at the same time...some don't get along very well with others!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:27pm
LOL what did you mean reinforced your point? What side effects doyou think I'm having? I just started on PRozac and I think its just starting to get into my system. I mean i just got the bottle a few weeks ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:35pm
OOPs I just saw that that wasnt addressed to me.

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