Please help me... Im at my whit's end!!
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| Fri, 07-30-2004 - 3:23pm |
I have been married for 4 yrs now and we have a beautiful 2 1/2 yr old daughter together. I am 23 and my husband is 28 he is also in the Army active duty. My problem is that we got married at 19 and 24 and he started keeping thngs from me from the start. We didnt know each other very long b4 we married and he failed to tell me his car wanst paid for. Needless to say I got a shock when a collector called. then he started calling his ex fiance when we fought about something and I wouldnt talk to him. I found out about this 6 mo into our marriage. WEll long story short. He has been overseas for a while and came back last year. His deployment probably saved our marriage. We were separated when He got his orders and he started being affectionate towards me and opening up to me. Now things are back to normal and he is closed up and angry about stuff all the time. He says he's not happy and he knows IM not either. He thinks there isnt any hope for our marriage and that we always end up the way we started. He has said before that he wants me to stay and he loves me but he isn't in love with me. WE are both so emotionally detached. I for one am on prozac because I have a problem with depression and anxiety attacks. I have been having a problem with my meds lately and theyu have been switching them up a lot. I know that a lot of this is probably my fault because I am too critical of him. I love him with all my heart and want to be with him. HOw in the world do you get your husband to wantto be with you again? He is always angry and I have spoken to him about goign to get his blood pressure checked because his mother and grandfather both had hot tempers and then they got theirs under control and they arent so angry all the time. I think thats whats wrong with him but he wont get help. What do I do? PLEASE HELP ME

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Not knowing how your body responds to any type of medication...prozac could be good or bad for you. This is why I suggested that you consult with your doctor or a medical professional. Drug interaction differs from person-to-person...and some of us can tolerate certain medications, while others might get an adverse reaction or (god forbid) something worse?
Pianoguy (who doesn't have a problem with medications...when they're taken and prescribed in moderation).
This sounds like a few different things to me
1) classic power struggle
2) punishing you
3) looking for a 'reaction' from you - maybe so he doesn't have to make the decision
Carrie
If that sounds like that to you then what advice do you have for me if any. Please help. I know people cannot tell me what to do but it makes me feel better when other people besides my husband are telling me to leave. I feel like such a fool right now. He is sitting here playing playstation and when I tried to talk to him he is being an @ss. He is drinking so I assume thats why. He keeps laughing at me when I say that he is in one mood one minute and one the next. I want so bad to get up and leave but I love him so much and he doesnt know how he is destroying us. I swear the military has such an effect on men. He keeps asking me if I want to attend a BBQ at his friends house and I dont understand why he wants to go with me if he is so angry with me and being a smart @!!. I feel so lost.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. YOU are NOT LESS THAN because of his actions, choices, decisions, words, behavior, ignoring you, laughing at you or anything else.
Carrie
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. That really means a lot to me that people do care and go through the same things that I feel right now. I asked him today if he wants to get help or talk about this w/o any distractions and work this out for our marriage. HE said he wanted to be with me but he didnt feel talking would help anythng. While he was sayign this he was playing his playstation and burping and just trying to be annoying. I feel like Im lost on what to do. Everytime we argue about anything he wants us to forget about it and act like nothing happened. I can't continue to do that and thats the problem. We continue to throw up past problems because we never work them out. And we play the blame game and want each other to feel sorry for us but we don't and it makes things worse. We arent nice to each other at all. Its also hard for us to trust each other too. He continues to act like he doesnt care and wants me to leave but he says otherwise. I dont know what to do.
You can't force him to go for help, and you can't make things right between you two all on your own. A marriage consists of two people and each one has to play their part. His anger is his problem, and he must be willing to take responsibility and cope with it. If he doesn't, naturally it will come out on you and in any relationship that he may be in. All you can do here is get the help you need yourself to understand better what is going on, to see what the true possibilities are for this relationship and then to make healthy choices for yourself. You can communicate openly and honestly to him about what you need and feel and hope he'll do the same. If he won't, and if he won't move forward in dealing with his feelings, then there doesn't seem to be anyway the two of you can grow in this relationship and work things out.
Best wishes.
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