Please help me with this one
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| Thu, 03-22-2007 - 11:33am |
I'm really sad!!
I moved to another state last May to be with this wonderful man that I love dearly. When I moved My children moved with me. They were not very happy in this new place, and missed being with friends, so they moved back to live with their dad. We talk on the phone, but I miss being with them.
I love my boyfriend dearly, but I struggle with depression, and being lonely. I Can't seem to get myself together, and it is causing problems with my relationship. I want to make friends, but I'm not sure how to go about it. I don't know what has happened to me I have always been very social. My self esteem seems to be at a very low point.
I seem to be frozen...I think I know why, but I don't understand how things got to this point. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. The thought of being with another man never enters my mind. He seems to have some trust issues due to a past relationship, and I understand that. I have been very patient, and tried to work throu this. When I first moved here we had a few bumps over the issue that left me very uncomfortable. Like one day I didn't answere my cell, or was late returning a call ( I'm not sure which one it was) When I did talk to him...he was very unhappy, and said he had a funny feeling...He thought that I had been with someone. I was very hurt, and insulted, but I thought about his past situation, and tried to be understanding. This has happened a few times, and when it does it is awful!!! He is so convinced that I've done something wrong, and it is hard for me to prove otherwise.
I told him one time that if we didn't have trust in our relationship we didn't have anything. When I say this to him He says that deep down He knows that I didn't do anything, but certain little things make him wonder. What do you say to this?? I feel like this has gotten out of hand, because somewhere in my mind I have decided it is easier to just stay home, and not do anything than to give Him any reason to doubt me.
I now find myself conplaining, about not having any friends, and not having a life. He then get's upset, and thinks He can't make me happy. He said that I used to tell him how happy, and perfect my life would be if we could just be together. Yes I said that, and I meant it. He tells me that He does not understand me because now I have what I said would make me happy, and it's not enough. He says that I should do whatever it takes to make myself happy, but I have this awful feeling that whatever I do it is going to make him question me.....and I can't take that! I feel so frozen in life...What do I do?
We have had a little tension between us for the last two days, and I have been trying to understand it....This morning he told me why. Two days ago I felt sick, and rested all day. On his way home from work he called me, and asked me if I had even gotten up, and put myself together for the day. I told him that I had taken some medicine, and slept most of the day. I did take a hot bath, and some point, and right before he got home I put a little make-up on. I always try to look half way good for when he comes home. Well this morning he told me that that sent up red flags, and made him very suspect. I feel really bad. I was only trying to look halfway look nice for when he came home. What do I do to get him to trust me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think you should go home to where your children are. I am really sorry if this sounds judgmental, but I never understand a woman who puts a man (other than their father) above her children. You chose this man over them - no wonder you are unhappy. (Your children will only be children for so long - enjoy them while you can!) And to top it off, your boyfriend is jealous and insecure and suspicious of you.
Often in life, we attract what we are. From what you have written, it sounds as though you both went into this relationship looking to the other to provide happiness and security. Unfortunately that is something that we must give to ourselves and often times, after the high of the infatuation has worn off, what we are faced with is the same problems we started with; insecurity and self-esteem issues that were temporarily masked by the excitement of a new relationship. You will only ever attract what you are, so go home to your children and work on creating a life for yourself that you love that isn't all about a man. A relationship should *add* to your life - not be your life. Go get busy with getting a life; once you have that, then think about getting into another relationship.
Best wishes.
Coolas
Welcome to the board otherk,
I think
otherk,
This relationship isn't making you happy. Why are you staying?
I agree with the poster that said you should go back with your children.
About him not trusting you, there is nothing you can do to make him trust you because you aren't doing anything to make him not trust you. The examples you gave of why he didn't trust you were out of your control. There is no way you could have none that what you did would cause him to not trust you.
Can you really live the rest of your life this way? Would you be happy?
glitter-graphics.com
'they moved back to live with their dad.'
Why would you put your boyfrind before your children??
Please go back to live near them and make them your first priority.