PLEASE HELP ME....so sad... :( :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
PLEASE HELP ME....so sad... :( :(
3
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:03pm

I need help so bad that it hurts. Please read this and tell me what you think. I need all the help I can get. Sorry its long, I just want everyone to understand.

I have been with my boyfriend since Nov 05. And everything started about 6 mths ago. You could say that I have had the worst luck in the past 6 mths that anyone I know. In febuary I got fired from my job for giving a soda away to a regular who had been drinking. It really took a toll on me and cut my income in half. The other place I was working was slow and upcomming resturant. Then in April I got fired from this job as well for no reason. I also had a problem finding a place to stay since my roomie backed out on me and I couldnt afford a place on my own. I found a place to live and can barely afford it now, but just got a roomie that will start in Aug. I couldnt find another job until the beginning of June. So I was living off of my savings.

My boyfriend that it was his duty to pay for me to do things so that I could belong with everyone else and be able to have fun. I always told him not to and tried my hardest to not let him, but he always went behind my back.

Our relationship has been suffering the past couple of months little fights, lack of sex, etc and its all because of the stress and frustrations we were taking out on each other. We've been sticking it out, and now he has hit rock bottom himself. He has run out of money and had a life crisis. Hes 30yrs old, no car, extreme debt, no career, and his job is a bartender. And all his friends around him that he went to college with and grew up with have careers and are getting married. SO hes feeling the pressure I guess.

Well two weeks ago sunday we had a big fight and he wanted the break then but I begged him to give me a chance and not to push me away. So he agreed. Then this past sunday the everything hit the fan. Two weeks ago where my bopyfriend worked shutdown for remodeling and he was making no money. When they opened again, he had no money but owed his rent. Then the next weekend he had no money again due to expensise. This sunday I think it was more than it could bare. He realized he only had 53 dollars to his name and had to borrow money that night. I could tell he was down and tried to cheer him up, and it seemed to work.

But once we went home he told me he needed his month and then at the end we could sit down and talk about what to do next. I begged and pleded no to, but he was so strong about it. He is also the type of person when he feels "cornered" he shuts down will say anything to get me to leave him along and go away. I like to solve things then and there and he likes time to think things over.

So he was saying that he couldnt promise that we would get together, but that it wasnt our relationship that was the problem but that it was himself. I had no problem giving him his month. He said that we could hang out and call and talk but just couldnt go home with each other, and I dont understand the difference at all.

Im bestfriends with his ex-girlfriend, dont ask, and she said that this was a habit of his and he always got back with his girlfriends. She says that he still loves me even though he says he doesnt. He likes me, misses me, misses the night together, thats what he tells me.

Some of his friends have said that he wants nothing more to do with me and wants to end it, but then why give me a month? and why promise me that once it was over that we could start dating again and see what happens? He couldnt say how long it would last but that he would try.

PLEASE HELP ME...what does this all mean? Ive never done this before and Im heartbroken and hurting so bad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 11:01pm

Hi sweet05,

I am sorry you are going through this situation. Your boyfriend might have given it a month because it is easier to break things off if you let someone think it is not a done deal. It sounds like he has a lot going on with himself. Maybe he does not feel good about himself and wants to get his life on track. Give it some time and focus on yourself. Do things with your friends and enjoy life. If he comes back around deal with him then. If he is telling you he does not love you and his friends are saying he does not want to be with you, move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:03am

This guy has a lot going on in his life that isn't so great. Maybe, at the age of 30, he's finally deciding that his life isn't what he pictured. I'm sure his self-esteem has taken a big hit from being unable to pay bills. A big part of having a healthy ego is realizing that you are self-sufficient.

Regardless... This guy has pretty much broken up with you. You should not have to get down on your knees and plead for someone to be with you. Try to gather up as much strength and conviction you can to take your mind off of him, go out with friends, have a good time, and don't contact him. Let him come to you if and when he's ready.

He might be going through a phase in his life where he doesn't know what he wants from himself or other people. If you mean that much to him, he'll want you back badly enough to prove it to you. Just stay strong and keep positive in the time being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 5:43pm

Welcome to the board sweet05,


Sounds like he needs to get his life in order.