please help!! no trust

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
please help!! no trust
2
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 9:28pm
Me and my bf have been going out for just over a year now and everythings great except for one thing...i dont trust him at all. I love him so much, more than words can even begin to say but i just have no trust in him whatsoever. Before we started going out i wasnt a very trusting person to begin with and what trust i did have(in friends,etc.) was totally betrayed and i think that explains a lot of my problem now. i am pretty insecure too.

This is also my first serious relationship and i guess im just afraid of getting hurt becuz like i said, i really do love him alot. when we first started going out, i trusted him somewhat but then a few months ago there was an incident where a girl at his job told me that he asked her out on a date and that he didnt wanna be in a relationship wit me anymore becuz there was "nothing there anymore" and that he "shouldve never met me"...i wont get into the details but he swears to this day that she was lying and that he would even take a lie detector test to prove it (i wish i had the money).

anyway, he thinks im over all that but im really not. i think about it constantly and analyze everything that happened over and over again in my head. when i start thinking about i cant stop and i cant tell u how many nights i hav stayed up crying becuz of the whole thing. its gotten so bad that i actually check his cell fone wen hes not around for any numbers i dont recognize n if i find one i call it to see who it is.

i kno i sound like a complete pyscho but i dont kno wut to do anymore. i just wanna trust him becuz this is ruining our relationship and this is the one thing i cant talk to him about becuz he gets frustrated nd sayz that hes told me a million times hes not lying n y wuld he still be goin out wit me if he wanted someone else.

Also, he just told me recently that a girl at his job who lives down the block from him(different job from where other incident occurred) wants to start carpooling. the ride each way is a half an hr and it kills me to think of him being with sum other grl for that long wne i dont even trust him to not cheat on me or make a move or sumthing. then before i started thinking...y wuld she wanna carpool wit him theyre not even friends..wut the hell r they gna talk about the whole way there AND back...i just kno that hes gna leave me for her once they become close...wut if he thinks shes prettier than me, i bet she is etc etc...those r the types of things that go thru my head..

i kno that im going to be obsessing over this now n i just wanna scream. i cant think anymore and its making me feel very depressed to constantly analyze every lil thing day in and day out. i cant help it tho. i dont kno if i shuld just tell him straight up that im not comfortable wit this or wat...im so frustrated and sumtimes i think i need professional help becuz i must be crazy

im so desperate for any advice, please please help...how do i trust again? how do i stop obsessing over wut happened in the past and move on? thanks so much


Edited 9/13/2004 9:45 pm ET ET by xxcelisaxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 10:05pm
You need professional counselling...right now! You need to work on your self esteem and security. You won't be happy until you realize you are the gift in your man's life! This is not about him...it's about you...Jealousy and expectations are the two big love enders...get yourself some help!

Blu

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:48am
I can totally understand were your comming from I have alot of insecurities thanks to a past relationship. My current boyfriend has lied to me about certain things at the start of our relationship. We even broke up for a week at one point. And during that week he started going out with someone else. Which made me think was I not important enough to him that he forgets me so qickly. Well it turns out he was trying to get me jealous so that I would fight for him and it did work. Anyways we are doing good now and he hasn't given me any other reason not to trust him, but I still have a hard time trusting him. My advice to you is to hang in there and talk to him about it try not to seem so insecure because that is a turn off to guys. The start of a relationship is the hardest part you eventually will know him more and know what to expect from him. When you love someone you take a chance. Good luck