PLEASE help! Rich guy, broke girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
PLEASE help! Rich guy, broke girl
3
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 4:14pm
Hello everyone!

I'm new to I-village, so I'm going tell a little about myself, which is vital to understanding my problem anyway. I'm a 19,in college,and very driven to do well in life. I'm also in love. I met my boyfriend in college and we've been together for about 8 monthes. We are both eachothers "first times" and the first people we said "I love you" to. At first glance we seem perfect, except as far as our backgrounds go we are anything but.

I grew up in a family full of love, but lacking in assets. My parents have given me everything I could want. I go to an expensive private college (mostly thanks to big scholarships!), where I get really great grades and get to be my fun-loving self. They bought me the new car I wanted and give me whatever I need. And, not to sound conceited, because I'm not, but I'm also very happy with how I look. When I'm away at college I live a perfect life. However, it's not so easy because when I go home, it's a different world. I live in a wealthy school district, but my family lives in a small home and drives beat up, old cars. Let's just say my parents are not concerned with "keeping up with the Jones'".

For one reason or another, my boyfriend has never been to my home (probably bc I do what I can to make sure I am the one visiting). I have been to his, and met his wealthy, but nice family. This is not really the problem because my ex was extremely rich, too..but my current bf is a little more concerned with finances. He often seems to brag about his parent's 3 homes and always keeps a wallet full of cash (even though it's rare for him to spend it). He has said that he doesn't like the "white trash" type, which worries me. I know he honestly loves me, but I'm worried he will change in some way when he finally sees how I live. He knows I went to the highschool I did, so he automatically assumes I have a lot of money, even though I told him the "rich highschool thing" doesn't mean everyone that went there is.

With summer coming I know I won't be able to keep him away from home for long, especially because he is already talking about coming to visit me. I"m not necessarily worried that he will break up with me because of my socioeconomic status, but I don't know if he'll look at me different. Maybe I'm just insecure and ashamed, but I'm afraid. I'm thinking about telling him ahead of time what to expect, but sometimes I feel like that's making too big of a deal out of it, if he may not even care. Should I? I don't want it to be a total shock..I don't know how he'll react! PLEASE help me..if anyone has advice I'd love to hear it! Summer break is almost here! THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:51pm
You sound so ashamed of your family (who bends over backwards for you) and your roots. Get over that attitude of shame right now. You cannot change who your parents are and who you are. If the guy does not accept this and if you do not accept your parents then you are all messed up in the head.

The important things in life are that you love and care for others and have a good heart. Anything else, social class, etc, is unimportant unless YOU make it important through some stupid ideas.

Start valuing the love of your parents and do not be ashamed. The problem is with you and your disgust of your roots, not with the rich guy. Get over that and you will not be afraid to bring anybody home to meet your parents.

Look at that show the Bachelor. Those women don't all live high class lives. But they bring him home to meet thier parents anyway. Because they LOVE and VALUE thier families who spent years of time and money and lots of love raising them!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 8:34pm
Thank you very much for your response. It's just hard to show pride in your home when your parents don't even show pride in it. I LOVE my parents very much. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, even though it may seem that way. It's not like it's all in my head that money matters when growing up people treated you like an inferior because you didin't have money. It's sad that money matters to some people because when people tell you you're inferior long enough you start to believe it. Thanks again, I needed to hear that either way
Avatar for beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-1998
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 6:02pm

All I can say, is if he changes the way he treats you and such based on your parents income, that would speak volumes about his values and better to find out NOW than later in life when you 2 are possibly considering marriage, etc...

Becky - Mom to Carolyn (17), Aaron (15), Kyle (11) & Luke (8)
Send a free greeting card on me!!