PLEASE, I NEED HELP AGAIN!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
PLEASE, I NEED HELP AGAIN!
5
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 10:39pm
I don't know if you all remember me but I wrote in a month ago asking for help. I thought I was cured but I'm in a jam again. I was so embarrassed that I erased the post after you ladies gave me some wonderful advice. Anyway, to make a long story short, I have been dating a guy from Nigeria for two years. We met online but have not met in person yet. I asked me to marry him and I agreed. Then he began to make plans to marry me and get things ready but then he said his job closed down and then his bank. He was very depressed and I began giving him all of the money I had for two years because I felt sorry for him. Recently I started having doubts about him. I found child porn in his inbox, and over 200 credit card numbers from persons all over America. I asked him about all of this but he said that he and his friend shares that email address and it's not his. I was advised by some ladies here to leave him. I did what you all told me to do. I closed down my email address, changed my phone number, etc. It was painful when I left him at first and then I began healing. I felt better and great about my decision and I was moving on with my life and even getting happy. But two days ago he sent me some very expensive roses and my heart just melted. Before I knew it, I had called him and one thing led to another and now we are back together. My mother is VERY upset about this and wants me to cut ties with him but it seems like no one in the world understands how much I love him. I know he has some bad ways but I can't stop loving him and I don't know why. I have been asked out by other guys but I only want him. Believe me when I say I have been trying so hard to break away from this man. My friends say he is just using me and does not plan to ever come to America but I'm not sure. I know in the back of my mind this is not healthy but I just can't stay away from him. I feel good inside when I'm with him and he is there for me anytime I need him. He had helped me so much. Does anyone here know what I should do? If you believe I should stay away from him, can you tell me how I can do so. I have bad withdrawals when I'm away from him and I desperately need help. Thank you all for your wonderful help the first time and I hope you can help this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 10:51pm
It's hard to leave someone you love. But you must consider where you are in that person's hierarchy of importance. Are you number one to him? Or does he continuously take you for granted, take advantage of your feelings for him to get what he wants? It is up to you find your own happiness. Put yourself first. You deserve to receive what you give in a relationship. Finding that kiddie porn is not a positive indicator. The credit card numbers are illegal. If they are his or his friends, does it matter? Things don't seem quite right. Get away from him quick and start to heal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:04am
I remember your original post. I was one of those who responded with links about the prevalence of Nigerian scams. This is one of those scams, and you are undoubtedly one of many women this guy has hooked.

You need psychiatric counseling to unearth why you are living in this fantasy world. For some reason you find it easier to have a cyber-relationship instead of a real relationship with a flesh-and-blood man. Find a competent psychotherapist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 10:25am
'I feel good inside when I'm with him'

And he knows this which is why he is preying on you and manipulating you

Click here for info on Nigerian scams. Do your own research.

http://www.mazu.com/scams/nigerianscams.html?OVRAW=nigerian%20scams&OVKEY=nigerian%20scams&OVMTC=standard

http://www.ifccfbi.gov/strategy/nls.asp

http://www.quatloos.com/friends-of-Brad-forum.htm

'and he is there for me anytime I need him.'

No he isn't. He doesn't even exist because he is a fanatasy. You gave him all of your money and found all of those credit card numbers (and how did you do that if you haven't met yet?). Report him to the FBI immediately and get some psychiatric help.


Edited 9/5/2004 10:38 am ET ET by ciao_gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 2:29pm
Hey - it is a free world. If loving a pedophile scam artist, is what turns you on, then by all means, continue on this path. If your soul is for sale at the price of some expensive roses, then by all means, sell it. If a cyber (read fantasy) relationship is all that you crave instead of a real relationship with a real live man, then by all means live it.

But if you want to rejoin the real world, if you want to learn to have a healthy relationship with a real person, if you want to learn to respect yourself (because it is clear from your post that you know what you are doing is not in your best interests), and if you want to learn to love yourself, then get some professional help.

Spend some of that money you are sending him on your own mental health. You KNOW this is a scam. You KNOW this in the pit of your stomach. So there is something seriously wrong with you that you prefer to continue to delude yourself. Go get some help.

Or just continue to love a no name/no face pedophile until you have not 1 dollar left to give him. Then he will leave you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 7:12pm
You evidently have an emotional dependence on him.

From what you have said, he seems to be a con man. They can be very charmismatic.

Honey if you don't stop seeing this guy, he will take you for all you've got and than disappear.

There have been other lonely women that have been fleesed by some clever con men.

good luck