Please I need help SOON
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Please I need help SOON
| Mon, 10-18-2004 - 8:02pm |
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 mths now and we've lived together for 4 of them. I met him through a mutual friend and we hit it off instantly. The night I met him I didn't get to see him until a 1 and a 1/2 later b/c I was out of town for knee surgery but he called me everyday and even got disappointed if I didn't call. When I got back in town he came over immediately. We spent a couple of days together before he finally went back home. :) I got a call from him when he got home and said he just had his first fight ever with his father. His father hit him and he didn't want to stay there. He didn't want me to pick him up but I told him I was going to anyways. He stayed at my apartment and I told him he could just live with me. He refused at first cause he said he would just move back up north florida where he could have a place to stay. I told him I didn't want him to go cause I felt such strong feelings for him and I didn't want us to end. He admitted he didn't want to leave me either and he decided to stay. Everything was great, I was so happy and he told me he was so happy with me and he never had any worries when he was with me. We didn't have sex for a while just cause we didn't want to ruin anything. Once we started though we never stopped. Getting to my problem we just recently in September moved in with his best friend and his girlfriend and at first everything was fine but it just started to go downhill. He just stopped being the person I knew. He didn't clean anymore after himself, he didn't cook like he used to always, he just changed. We used to take my puppy to the park every Sunday which was his idea and now when I ask him to go he says he doesnt want to spend his time at a park. When ever we go out at night together he's very attentive to me but it's like when we're at home he shoves me away. He works pretty much every night long hours so I don't know if that's it but I miss the good times we had. I was talking to him the other day about what his best friend was saying about getting a house in June and he said we could live there so I told that to him. He said you and me as we in a playful voice but it was still hurtful. I started arguing with him saying I was just going to live with my mother up north and he finally said I don't care if you go or not this time or not(cause I was going to leave before but he told me I didn't have to go and he wanted me to stay), I dont' care if we stay together or not. So I was hurt and I left. I came back cause I wasnt able to stay at my mothers so when I came back he called me from his sisters house who he was staying the weekend with and said he didn't want to deal with it anymore. He said he didn't want to deal with a relationship anymore and I said with me and he said period. I haven't seen him since cause he's working. I would leave if I could but I have no place to go...I love him so much and I don't know what to do cause I don't want to lose him. I talked to his best friend and he said this is just him...this is what he does not living with someone cause I'm the first but with his last girlfriend his friend said they were off and on off and on. So what am I supposed to do if I can't leave and still have to stay in the same apartment with him. How do I get him back???? Please help

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But the person you knew was the charming guy who was courting you. You moved too far, too fast. Now you are finally getting to know how he is. Moving in together when you don't know each other can only lead to disaster, which you are finding out.
Why did you move in with other people??
Take it as a lesson learned-Move out and in the future, take your time with guys. Slow and steady wins the race.
This is a painful lesson, but one of value, nonetheless - when you move to quickly you don't have the opportunity to learn the things you need to know to determine if this person is a worthy of your love and companionship. This man you are with sounds selfish and immature - don't hang onto him - he is not worth it - cut your losses and move on.
Next time, I would suggest that you date for at least a year before moving in with a guy - that way you will have plenty of opportunity to find out who he really is and you'll avoid difficult situations like this one.
Sorry this is painful for you, but really, you are much better bailing on this situation then trying to make a guy feel something he obviously doesn't feel.
Good luck.
Coolas
It hurts to break up. And it hurts a lot to have someone break up with you. That's human. Let yourself feel the pain. Try to focus on yourself. Become financially more secure if you can, so you can go if you want to! And don't be available for this guy when he wants it. You will grow. It will hurt, but the pain will lessen and you'll grow.
I've been there more than once and I always learned something important about myself. But I had to let myself feel the pain and not do anything to cover it up. Good luck!
Hi there,
I want to tell you I really feel for you. I know exactly how you feel because i have been there. I've read all the previous posts and some of the people that post are very right in what they say to you so i wont say anymore of that.
Just please, don't sit there and wait for this guy to come back. He may or he may not.
Just remember that the more you ask and nag the more you push him away...believe me i have learned that the hard way. GO out and do things that will keep your mind of him for now. Nothing you can do will get him back...just let him be. Don't call him, don't visit just stay away. Maybe there's people you can go out with or find a new hobbie that will keep your mind busy. Volunteer somewhere, of enroll in a class that you enjoy.
I hope the best for you...
be well, keep us posted.
You have to give yourself time, like a tiny bud. You can't force it to open. You just take care of it tenderly and pretty soon, it opens into a beautiful radiant flower.
Also, THIS is the real him. He's no longer on his best behavior. You love the guy he was in the beginning. That guy does not exist and he will NEVER be him again. The guy you love is insensitive, ignores you, treats you poorly and hurts your feelings. It seems that the only thing that concerns you is whether or not he cares for you. Do YOU care for HIM? If you do, you don't have very high standards and may want to work on yourself a bit more. I understand that it hurts and that the guy who swept you off your feet made you feel so good, but that guy is gone. You would do well to find someone who doesn't LOVE you instantly. That's a sign of insecurity on his part. He's in LOVE with someone he doesn't even know. Wants to LIVE with a girl he doesn't know. He didn't know your values, morals, even how you conduct yourself on a day to day basis. You didn't know that about him either. How can that be healthy? He picked up after himself. That was probably because he was a guest in your home or at least felt that way. When you moved in with friends, he didn't feel that way anymore and obviously doesn't care if his things are picked up or if he's creating extra work for you.
I suggest cutting off contact for now, let him miss you, and spend time MAKING some new friends. You said you don't have many friends? Keep yourself busy, figure out what it is you like to do and you'll make friends along the way - maybe even a guy who will eventually make you forget about this one! - it WILL happen someday. I know it doesn't seem like it, but this guy does not treat you well.
ANYway - Some suggestions:
go rollerblading, take an art class, book group, hiking club, outdoor club, take up drawing, painting, fishing, basket weaving, get a pet (VERY effective in helping your heart heal) - volunteer - at a homeless shelter, animal shelter, group home, elderly home, hospital...take piano lessons, get a second job (helps in being INDEPENDENT), etc., etc., etc.
Best of luck to you!
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