please read - problem w/ hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
please read - problem w/ hubby
11
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 9:16am

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:43am

Welcome to the board s20something,


I think since everyone there were your coworkers and it was both guys and girls and no couples that it is okay. If it would just have been the two of you, I could understand him not liking that but it wasn't.


Why has this turned into such a big issue for the two of you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:51am
It's a big issue b/c we have such strong opinions on completely opposite sides. He absolutely 100% thinks it's wrong and that it's "b*llsh*t" that I went over there. He also thinks most people would agree with him. I absolutely agree with YOU and think it was ok and don't feel that I should have to tell my friends "sorry, I can't go" because we were going to an apartment instead of a public place. and of course, I think most people would agree with me. There was yelling, crying involved, and we're not really talking right now - just happened last night.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 1:34pm
Does this happen a lot when you different opinions?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 1:53pm
i wouldn't say it happens a lot - there are just a few touchy topics that it seems will never be settled b/c we're both strongly opinionated regarding those. most of the time, we're able to discuss in a mature, respectful manner. not this time though! It's tough because neither of us are going to change our mind.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:58pm
I don't suppose this is one of those things were you can just agree to disagree, huh. LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 5:08pm
I agree with you, this is nothing to be concerned about so long as you were there with other people and left when they did. I think your bf is being unreasonable and unacceptably controlling, and I am concerned about his threat to break up over a disagreement like this. That shows a lack of commitment as well as an escalation of the circumstances that do not bode well for times when there are much bigger issues between you. He needs to mature personally and with respect to this relationship!

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:55am

"I think your bf is being unreasonable and unacceptably controlling, and I am concerned about his threat to break up over a disagreement like this."

Worrisome enough if he were her boyfriend--this is her husband, and he is willing to DIVORCE her over this incident. This goes way beyond bullheadedness in my opinion. Suppose they have a child. If the child misbehaves, will Dad give him up for adoption?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 8:42pm
Out of curiousity, is your husband or both of you from a culture where it's inappropriate for unwed or unrelated men and women to be together in an informal setting?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:09pm

>>Worrisome enough if he were her boyfriend--this is her husband, and he is willing to DIVORCE her over this incident. This goes way beyond bullheadedness in my opinion. Suppose they have a child. If the child misbehaves, will Dad give him up for adoption?<<

Of course, it's not unusual to see the flip side of divorce threats when female posters are willing to break a marriage over their husband's mild or moderate porn use. However, I don't often see women called "bullheaded" when they find such behaviour a dealbreaker.

We all have our dealbreakers. And it's important to find out what the partner's dealbreakers are (and whether or not we can accept living within the limitations of the dealbreaker) BEFORE we marry our partner.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 8:15am
He says the threat was b/c he was very upset and not serious. He IS from another country that's more conservative, but over the six years of being together and discussing things, I never thought this would be an issue.
So it wouldn't have been a problem if we were in public, but b/c we were in an apartment and there was alcohol (and some got pretty drunk)) AND he doesn't know the others b/c it's a new job, he wasn't comfortable with drunken strangers in tight places.

 

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