Please Weigh In--NEED HELP

Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Please Weigh In--NEED HELP
8
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 11:02am

I posted last week, but just to do a quick rundown/update...


My husband and I have been married almost 3 years, together for 8. We've had a good marriage. But there are a few things we let go by for too long without dealing, so now things seem to be coming to a head, and our marriage is in the balance. 1) I have intimacy issues--meaning, sex became non-existent in our relationship. That's my fault, I know. I need to get help for that. It's something I've let go on for too long. 2) Also, kids weren't something I thought I wanted. He was pretty sure he

Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 12:39pm
Anyone have any advice???
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 12:46pm

I don't think it's about you. I think it's about losing his father.

It would be nice if instead of feeling like he had to get away, he wanted to be close to you, but grief does different things to different people. In light of losing someone close to them, I think it's entirely necessary to give a person all the space they need to heal.

I'm sorry he chose this time to be confused about you but I really don't think that he will end the relationship over this. He sounds like he's hurting and needs to go somewhere to lick his wounds. I hope he comes back to you soon. I bet he will.

PS: an hour and a half is not a lot of time to give people to answer your question before you become impatient. Please note that a lot of us are at work and cannot read your question yet.




Edited 4/7/2008 12:47 pm ET by eggbertshootsfire
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:28pm
I think that you may be in more trouble than you would like to admit.
Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:34pm
Yes, the issues are workable. I told him I'd get help. Go into see a counselor just for that issue. I became victim at a young age of a sexual encounter, which he knows about, and I think that has something to do with my issue. There are other issues, too, not just that one. He's questioning whether he wants to be married to me. Whether it's "enough". I was just recapping in my post. And I'm not kidding myself about how big the issues are. Far from it. I can't eat, sleep or function.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 9:14pm
Okay, the "enough" is about the love you give plus the other stuff he wants.
Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 9:33am
To him, the "enough" part is partly
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 11:34am

I think that the flirting and emotional relationship has a lot to do with the intimacy problems that are going on at home.

Avatar for zephyr893
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 10:43am

Thanks, teachme. I do believe that the flirting and seeking attention does stem from the intimacy issues...but I also know that, like you said, I married a flirtatious guy. Never until now had it been a threat, though. I don't know if part of why he's flirting with others is because he's