Pls. Help w/ a complicated situation!!!
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| Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:26am |
I'm in love with my best friend who has a girlfriend. Both of us have romantic feelings towards each other, but nothing has happened because of his girlfriend (neither one of us would ever let anything happen.) We're so close we'll spend 12 hours at at time together, or talk on the phone for hours and hours until we're exhausted. His girlfriend is very jealous of me, and I recently discovered that he had to start lying about when he had been hanging out with me, even though we never did anything wrong. I started feeling guilty - like I was a boyfriend stealer or something, even though I purposely never allowed anything to happen between us because he was in a relationship. This has been going on for about 6 months. He's told me quite a few times he's not completely happy with her, but he doesn't want to break up with her because he still wants her as a friend, and she wouldnt' accept that. He also says that if he were to try a relationship with me, he's scared he'd ruin our friendship.
I told him that he had to decide whether or not I was a good enough friend to keep going on like this. I said either he had to tell his girlfriend how close we are, or break up with her, or we don't see each other anymore. He's really confused, doesn't know what to do and feels terrible for putting me through this. Essentially since no decision has been made, I said I'd see him in awhile (he's an actor and is in a local 3 month show starting soon) when I came to see him perform.
My question: Did I do the wrong thing? I miss him so much, and yet I want to be strong. What do I do? Please help...and thank you for taking the time to read this message.
dancercr

leave him alone until he breaks up with her. You are only jeopordizing your emotions and a serious heartache if he just chooses to string you along for the sake of "staying freinds with his girlfreind".
if he truly felt love for you then he would be honest with the girlfreind. if he loved her, then he'd be honest with her. see what i mean?
how can yo grow to trust this man if he is purely just showing you how shady he is? maybe he's your best freind and he's a wonderful super duper nice guy.... but if you two were in a relationship, would you want to sit around and wonder why he has to spend all that time with his "freind"... and why he's constantly on the phone with that "freind"?
He is in a physical relationship with her... and an emotional one with you.
how do you know you can trust him? obviously his girlfriend cant. stop hiding behind the shades! Just because you two dont have sex does NOT mean he isnt cheating. He hasnt physically cheated on her... but emotionally he is with someone else, and that can be JUST AS BIG of a betrayal and cause of pain as if he WERE physically cheating.
think about it.
and just stay away until he leaves her. and if he doesnt... then you two were not meant to be. and the sad part is, your freindship WILL be ruined. either way you go.
Think about this. You are in a relationship with a guy, but he has this girl friend that he talks to until he's exhausted and spends 12 hours at a time with her...and secretly hangs out with her. Picture that happening to you, would you be jealous? I'm guessing yes. How could she not be jealous of you? Trust me, this girl isn't stupid. Just because you don't sit in front of her and swoon over eachother doesn't mean she doesn't know, because chances are she does. You can't have that kind of relationship with someone with out a SO noticing. I think it's good to back off. I think he needs to grow a pair and decide what he wants and actually tell her instead of stringing you both along. It sounds to me like he is using you BOTH. As Sara said, she's the convinenttphysical part, and you are the flirty emotional part. He probably loves 2 girls wanting him and neither of them making him really make a choice. I know you think you are by telling him you aren't going to see him for a while, but because he's going to be in this play it sounds as if he wouldn't have much time for you anyway. I wouldn't expect a lot out of this guy. If you do end up together, keep your eyes open for his next "really close girl friend" because that was you, and you'll become how his current girlfriend is right now...sad and jealous and hurting.
Good luck!
Carrie