Is pot really that bad?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Is pot really that bad?
6
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 12:33am
Hi all,

I just need to hear some input.... My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and are planning on getting married. Our relationship is perfict in every sence except that he has started smoking pot again after 3 years of being completly sober, no drinking, no drugs. I don't mind other people smoking pot, but when I think about having kids with this otherwise perfict man I cant get the thought out of my head... what if he doesnt quit? I have told him of my concerns and he says that if we have kids he'll quit, but I'm not sure that I beleive him. I can't even imagine why he started again. Is this something that I really need to be concerned about? Is smoking pot really that horrible an offence? I can't imagine ending my relationship over something that seems small logiclly, but feels like a really big issue. Not just for the fact that I dont want my kids raised in a house where there are drugs being used, but also for the simple fact that it is illegal. I dont think that I would feel very good about going to pick him up at jail because he got pulled over with pot on him. Please give me some of your ideas and thoughts on this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 12:45am
I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend smokes alot of pot and I am strongly leaning toward ending the relationship. I do not believe that pot makes a person bad. My boyfriend is a wonderful and attentive partner, but his habit is in such control of him that all he wants to do is get loaded. He cannot hold down a job because he cannot pass a drug test. We do not live together, otherwise I would have ended it a long time ago as I do not believe in supporting a man financially. I love my boyfriend more than I have ever loved any man before, but I can't see having a future with someone who has a habit like this. I don't want the influence around for my son either. I hope this helps.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:22am
I fourtunatly dont have the same concern with my man, he works in the family business and makes good money at that. His Brother, whom he works with knows that he smokes and isnt concerned about it. His brother also does not have the concerns of a family and never will. He married an older woman whos kids were already pretty much grown. The youngest was 17. I'm not sure if his brother smokes or not, but I know that he isn't on my side when it comes to my man not smoking. I dont think that he realizes that there are real implications to it, its not like having a beer at home, you can go to jail for it. I just dont know if it is really that important of an issue; if I should leave my man because he smokes pot. It is truly his only flaw as far as our relationship goes. He is willing and able to give me everything that I want out of a relationship and marrage. He is wonderful to me and I could not ask for a better man...minus the pot.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:31am
I should also state, even though I have no idea if it makes any difference, that my boyfriend, knowing that I dont like him smoking, doesnt do it around me or in the house. It is our little comprimse for now. I do appreciate that fact that he respects my feelings on it enough to do that, and has never fought it. He is also not out all the time because of it, which I thought he might be. He just slipps out the back door and smokes in the back yard. He is not by any means out partying all the time. I know I couldnt put up with that. I am just so frustrated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 3:15pm
Hello. My advice is to be very careful. Go with your gut. It may seem like it is not a big deal right now, but BELIEVE ME down the line it becomes a big deal. I am speaking from experience. I have been married for 4 years to a pot smoker. When we first got together, I too felt it was not a big deal. He didn't do it around me and he said he would quit if it really bothered me. Well, we got married and the pot smoking got worse. He started coming home from work stoned and it started to bother me. When I spoke to him about it he said that it is just like having a beer, what's the big deal, it relaxes him. Well, 4 years later, here I am........ married to a man who smokes pot every day, sometimes even in the morning. He acts like a zombie when he is stoned, lazy, irresponsible, and I absolutely HATE it. Deal with your boyfriend NOW, while it is not too late, it will only get worse if you don't. Good luck!!

Tamara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 7:39pm
hi, well being in that situation i can tell you that it doesn't get any better. i was married for 5 years to a man that used excuses after excuses to smoke pot. we made a deal that if he was to smoke it the kids had to be in bed and where no one could see and smell it. well that lasted for about 2 months and then he'd come home stoned if his "friends" came over he'd leave and smoke it. he eventually lost his job because of it and then i had to start supporting his habit even though he told me that i'd never have to buy it for him. it got to the point where we'd have drug dealers knocking on my door looking for the money he owed them and of course i had no idea. they teach the kids at school that it is bad and not to use drugs because they are illegal and so forth but yet it's okay for my childrens dad to do it, i don't think so. what kind of message is he sending out to the kids. i put my foot down and told him it was either the drugs or his family and he chose the drugs so i moved on and life is slowly getting easier and easier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 12:54am
I feel that pot is as bad or worse than alcohol. It has taken a toll on relationships that I have had more than once. It certianly makes a man lazy and makes them loose their drive to provide and do the best they can do for their family. Plus the drug test part!

Dandelion

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:16am
He probably won't quit . . for YOU. He may quit totally for himself, but if he just stops for you, he'll probably end up doing it on the sly.

I don't think that smoking pot makes you an evil person, there are probably people in your life right now who smoke it occasionally without you ever noticing it.

However, smoking it occasionally and doing it every day are two completely different things. Being able to do the stuf you're responsible for should be a #1 priority over getting loaded when you're about to get married!

I wouldn't mind if my husband sparked up a joint at some point while out with his buddies, but I wouldn't want him coming home to the kids after work stoned out of his mind. Do you know what I mean?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:17am
I am in a very similar situation myself. We are not at the marrige stage yet, but we are headed in that direction. I have also asked him not to smoke in front of me if he does it at all, however he broke that promise and I am not sure what to do myself. I want to leave, but he means so much to me. We've cried and talked and I've explained how I feel and he's appoligized, but this has happened for the 2nd time (just two days ago) and I don't know if I can do it anymore. I think it comes down to respect - if this man respected you, he would drop the habit - he needs to decide what is more important to him. But I would find out what it was that made him start up again. It may be his way to deal with some other issue that could otherwise be solved. I don't know if I could marry this man knowing he may never stop this and I, like you, do not want to raise my children in a household where smoking pot is okay, nor do I ever want to bail him out of jail or support him because his 'recreational habit' has caused him to lose his really great job! Please keep me posted on your decisions!