Power Struggle or Verbal Abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Power Struggle or Verbal Abuse?
5
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 9:51pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, initially I thought he was the sweetest man on earth, he was passionate and it was great, granted, for the first year he was going through his divorce we didn't spend a ton of time together so the "romance" phase was certainly deceiving as for the past year he has been a different man than I thought I committed to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 10:18pm

Welcome to the board jenniferh1234,


Can I ask, if after 2 years, he's still disrespecting you, yelling at you, accusing you, not willing to listen or consider counseling, what makes you think it's going to get any better if you stay with him?


Ten Rules for Fair Fighting - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=28141.1


Ten Tips for Managing Anger - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=28205.1


I highly recommend the book: Are

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 11:26pm

It is unfortunate that he wont go to counseling and it probably would help a great deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 12:13am

"He doesn't think counseling will help and he thinks I am partly at fault myself, as I leave a lot of the time, since I can't take the verbal abuse for long."


Nor

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 3:03am
Well, now you have a pretty clear idea of why he's divorced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 8:33am

I disagree with the idea of counseling with him. Counseling would do nothing - what he needs is anger management therapy, but beyond that, he thinks it is ACCEPTABLE to verbally abuse you. There is no counseling for morals, jennifer. Once your relationship has escalated to the point of any kind of abuse, it is time for you to give up on him and leave for the sake of yourself. A man who would do this to you is not the right one for you, no matter how much you want to fix him he's not interested in fixing himself.

Nobody wants to leave someone they have feelings for, and I understand that of course you still have feelings for him - you must have shared a lot together in two years. But you know that staying with him is hurting you. You sound like a woman who is stronger than someone who would put up with this.