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| Sun, 04-27-2008 - 3:07pm |
can't seem to get past this. years ago when i first dated my wife we had sex she was a virgin after a couple of months she said she wanted to wait till she got married because it was speical and she wanted to stop
We stoped we were fighting alot about it and thins
we broke up and she right away dated a guy and had sex with him because she felt guilty that it hurt his feelings that she had sex with her last bf
long story short we got back together a few years later were friends the whole time
We got egaged but she said she wanted to wait till we were married. I was hurt and mad but she told me she stopped having sex for the last 4 years and only had sex with the one guy after me. She dated 4 other guys when we were friends and didn't have sex with them it caused a few break ups
We got married and now have sex but it still hurts me I was not the last person to have sex with her before we got married and that she had sex with that one guy cause she felt bad that it hurt his feelings.
how do i get over it. We don't have alot sex now but because she has a few phscal issues that she is getting over. I knowI am being a child about not being the last guy she slept with before we got married I just feel sad that she consider that guys feeling when he complained at not mine thanks
We stoped we were fighting alot about it and thins
we broke up and she right away dated a guy and had sex with him because she felt guilty that it hurt his feelings that she had sex with her last bf
long story short we got back together a few years later were friends the whole time
We got egaged but she said she wanted to wait till we were married. I was hurt and mad but she told me she stopped having sex for the last 4 years and only had sex with the one guy after me. She dated 4 other guys when we were friends and didn't have sex with them it caused a few break ups
We got married and now have sex but it still hurts me I was not the last person to have sex with her before we got married and that she had sex with that one guy cause she felt bad that it hurt his feelings.
how do i get over it. We don't have alot sex now but because she has a few phscal issues that she is getting over. I knowI am being a child about not being the last guy she slept with before we got married I just feel sad that she consider that guys feeling when he complained at not mine thanks

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Welcome to the board jdsjett,
What you focus on expands, to the point of obsession.
"We got married and now have sex but it still hurts me I was not the last person to have sex with her before we got married and that she had sex with that one guy cause she felt bad that it hurt his feelings."
Can you elaborate more?
It bothers me that she seemed to care more about the other guys feelings and to be honest it hurts me still that she did not accept me at least as much as him plus i am mad that I did not stand up for myself and put off th wedding until we settled it since i knew it would bother me a great deal if we got married before we settled it she talked me out of it I think she felt i would get over it once we started having sex
I would do whatever I can to get over it. What don't you understand?
I feel she rewarded this other guy for being pushy and punished me for trying to be understanding years ago. I don't feel like she treated me the saem way she did him
Thanks for elaborating.
"I feel she rewarded this other guy for being pushy and punished me for trying to be understanding years ago. I don't feel like she treated me the saem way she did him."
I see.
There is a difference between how people treat the ones they love, and the ones they do not. We have lesser expectations for people we don't love, and sometimes when someone is in a bad mindset, they lower their standards for people who aren't much more than an acquaintance. It's as though she cares about you enough to act respectable with you but otherwise, she's not thinking much of her own morals. She went out and acted out of character because it hurt her to think of you.
I agree that you have a right to be upset. I just don't know how to tell you to get over it; it seems you want to but you may need some time. Counseling together may help.
I am humlated and hurt by the fact that even though I agreed to stop have sex the first time we dated a cause she said she wanted to wait till she got married even though we had sex already. But right after we broke up she had sex with the first guy she dated right waway. She says it was dumb but at the time in a moment of weakness she felt bad for him because he was hurt by the fact she had sex already but would not with him so she did.
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