problem with compromise BIGGIE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
problem with compromise BIGGIE
2
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 7:25pm
Help. I am engaged to a man with 2 kids. I want a child (I have none of my own)and he has agreed to have another. Well, I am a different kind of gal and not into patrilineal way of the world. So the other night out of the blue he brings up how he does not want my last name on the future baby's last night. I said how about just my last name on the birth certificate before his last name. Not like we have to use it for school or friends, etc,, A creative solution. he will not budge. this is a strong conviction for me. it seems like he'd walk away from this on this itssue. would I? don't know but while I understand how tradition is important to him it hurts i am not worth the compromise. any advice? it's just something I believe in. normally he is not sexist or anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 8:10pm
How about giving the baby your last name as the baby's middle name?

My nephew has 4 names - First name, 1st middle name, 2nd middle name (my sister's maiden name), and last name (her husband's surname) John Paul Doe Smith

They never call him by all four names and it's only listed on his birth certificate that way.

If he's not budging, can you get to the real reason.... maybe he doesn't go for hyphens (Doe-Smith)?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 7:09am
My opinion is that only the child's legal name should be on his birth certificate. Now if your maiden name is part of his legal name, then of course it should be on the certificate. I don't know what your culture is, but in American culture it is not uncommon for the mother's maiden name to be used as the child's middle name. Iri