Problem with showing affection

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Problem with showing affection
2
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:37pm
My fiance has a problem with showing emotions and affection for me. He is not the "mooshy" type and is a bit of a "macho" guy. When we first started dating, he would kiss me all the time and show some affection. Now, he rarely kisses me (maybe once a week) and sex is just that, sex (no kissing, touching, etc.). He tells me he loves me and he will sometimes hold my hand or hug me or kiss me, but it is rare. I've tried to get him to change, but it seems hopeless.

Could this be due to his upbringing? He was not raised to be very affectionate and the only emotion he ever saw from his father was rage.

Can anyone help me????


Thanks,

Needhelp33

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 12:10am


'Could this be due to his upbringing? He was not raised to be very affectionate and the only emotion he ever saw from his father was rage.'

That could be part of it but regardless, unless he realizes this and comes to terms with how if affects you and wants to change, then it doesn't really matter where it stems.

'I've tried to get him to change'

That is a no no. You can not control what he thinks, feels or does. You can tell him your concern, tell him that you like affection and tell him how his behavior affects you but if he has no desire to change then you have to accept this or move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 9:51am
needhelp33...

You answered your own questions.

Anybody who has been reared in a household by "distant parents" is probably going to inherit that trait? You might have experienced affection at the beginning, but as a couple gets comfortable with each other...they "slip into a mold" that becomes somewhat consistant.

My only suggestion is to try to (nicely) reinforce the fact that YOU need a hug...or need to be held. Plan on doing this consistantly for at least a few months! After all, "transformations" take time! There's probably going to be a little skeptism and reluctance from your fiancee, but if your approach is gentle (and not pushy) he might actually get the message?

Besides...if you don't spell out what you want BEFORE you get married...you can bet you won't get it after you both say: "I DO?" This is going to be a real challenge...are you up for it? At any rate...I wish you the best of luck...

Pianoguy