problems with my highschool bf of 7 yrs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2007
problems with my highschool bf of 7 yrs
3
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 9:44pm
I have been dating my boyfriend since my senior year of high school, it will be 7 years soon. I can't imagine my life without him however lately I feel very little towards him sexually. I care so much for him except for that. I feel that part of it has to do with his school. he has been in college for 7 years with very little to show for it because he either he gets an A or he withdraws with a few F's sprinkled in the mix/ Every time I would ask him why his transcript look like this he would lie and say it is an error and it will be fixed. Then when the error would not get fixed he would tell me how much he is sorry that he lied but he was afraid to loose me and all of that stuff/ I forgive him because I knew he had a problem, depression, and he was going to get help. he did not stick with it and the same pattern consisted for almost every semester. I have lost all trust when it comes to school but I have complete trust in every other way. he is the man I want to marry and have a family with. We have the same goals in life and I feel we complete each other well. But I also, feel we are in jeopardy of breaking up at some point because of his problem with not finishing school and my lack of desire towards him. I do feel that my lacking desire is because of his change. He now lacks confidence, he is an embarrassment for me when it comes to school and I feel I am instinctively looking for someone who I think will be able to provide.
I love him and I have spoken to him about my feelings. I was thinking of maybe taking a break or something. I don't know.
what should i do, to make this work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 11:57pm

You either have trust or you don't. If he lies to you about school he'll lie to you about other things. He is depressed, he has no motivation or ambition. You can't fix him - you can't save him. You've lost respect for him and you are no longer attracted to him. This is not the man you want to marry and have a family with - this is who he is and you are still living in a world of infatuation and dreams about what he could be or what you want him to be.

Life isn't about making things work when they don't work. More often than not it's about learning to let go and have faith you can move on and create something better. All relationships aren't meant to last forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 12:27pm

Welcome to the board leuven2004,


Is he getting help for his issues - depression and lack of motivation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 1:21pm

Welcome to the board leuven2004,


Your post seems a little contridictary to me. You say that you see yourself marrying him, but then say he is an embarrassment to you because of school and you are looking for someone who can be a provider. In my opinion, if you are serious about thinking of marrying someone you won't see them as an embarrassment. Plus, just because he isn't doing well in school doesnt mean he can't be a provider. My husband didn't go to college, he went to VoTech in high school, but he makes more than double my salary and I graduated college with a 3.9 gpa. He is an excellent provider.

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