problems, problems, problems
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| Mon, 10-22-2007 - 4:41pm |
Hi, I've never visited this board but I'm looking for advice.
Dh and I have been together 10 years, married 8 and we have 4 children. We've always had our ups and downs but now we're dying. Dh has no involvement at home. He's home one day a week and usually wants all of us to shut up and go away so he can watch tv or something. He works the other 6 days, and no he doesn't have to. He's pretty much in love with (he's admitted) a co-worker. I'm dying inside and am currently seeking counseling IRL. Besides his paycheck, I'm a single mom to four and I do EVERYthing at home, absolutely everything. I'm also expected to be a perfect wife to him. Anyway, I know he's not going to change. That's why I'm seeking counseling, to find myself without him. Our sex life has really gone in the pits too, and that's the hardest area in our life to "fake" a real marriage. He used to complain about not getting "it" everying single night. From that there would be weeks at at time that he wouldn't because he was depressed. Then I found I was so hurt and damaged from him that I have to turn off emotionally to have sex with him. And that seems so wrong. And now he can't finish. Is he that disgusted with me? I'm not unattractive, according to other people. Dh tells me often enough that I'm fat, etc. and I'm not that comfortable with myself. I don't even know where to go from here. After this happened last night I feel like I can't even handle it when he comes home tonight. Not quite sure what I'm asking, but any advice?
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Edited 10/22/2007 4:44 pm ET by mamma2three









Welcome to the board mamma2three,
It makes sense that you are having problems in the bedroom since you are having problems outside the bedroom. Once these issues outside the bedroom start to get better you will see the ones inside the bedroom getting better. Until then, I don't think you will see an improvement.
Why are you staying with him if he has admitted that he is in love with another woman?
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board mamma2three,
I have a feeling that his 'issue' has more to do with himself and/or the feelings he has for a coworker than it has to do with you.
Thanks for your quick reply. He'll never divorce me, he couldn't afford it. I'll never divorce him, I couldn't afford it....I know, really not a great reason to stay together. He has "resisted" putting his feelings into action and defends them by saying he has "been there and done that" with me and he's bored and ready to move on. He swears he would never actually cheat (again, he cheated before we were married). He came home Saturday actually happy to tell me that I don't have to worry anymore because the co-worker was fired and he won't see her at work anymore. I actually thought last night to tell him to just imagine I was her so he could get off...and that sent major warning bells off in my head. We finished the evening off with him getting upset with me because he's a crappy husband and I'm not happy with him.
~Mandy
He doesn't want a divorce and wants to stay in the marriage. But he won't work on things because he says "this is just the way I am". He won't go to counseling with me. He thinks counseling is stupid. If I ever manage to find a counselor for myself I have to try to hide it. I'm a "stupid crazy b!tch" so me seeing a counselor would prove his point twofold. Stupid/b!tch for spending money on a stupid counselor and obvoiusly crazy if I need to see one. I don't think there's anything so special about this other woman other than that she's NOT me.
~
In lieu of a divorce, tell him you are taking a week vacation to determine what YOU want to do and the kids are all his!
Hi Mama2three,
I would suggest counseling for you.
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes
Can your children afford what you are teaching them marriage is?
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes
Yeah, I do sound pretty pathetic. I feel like I haven't said anything in defense of what a nice guy he is, blah blah, but I haven't sugar coated how he treats me either. I don't think I'm in any position to leave him right now so I guess my only real option is counseling to get me to where I need to be, wherever that is. *sigh* I wish the sex could at least still be good for awhile. It all makes me very sad.
Thank you all for the comments.
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