The first thing I would do if I were you is to get him to sign a note saying how much he owes you and when he will have it repaid by. This is the responsible thing for you to do.
The thing that stands out to me in your post is that you would not have agreed to marry him if you'd known this before you said yes. Do you want to then marry a man when you already know this about him? Just something to think about.
I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.
Hello! Getting a signed note/ contract from him is a good way of showing him that you are serious about him paying you back, and about him being financially responsible, so definitely take that advice! He is on a cruise right now....great. hahaha, that is, well, NOT COOL . it sounds almost exactly like something my boyfriend does, he is almost broke but OH MY his buddies plan a trip to ski, there goes 700$, oh and then again this summer, houseboating, 600$, he just HAD to go... I am not sure where their logic on this is formed, but it is flawed... I once read somewhere that money is a major cause of divorce/ splitting up... so knowing that, it is a common issue...I think that once you have informed him of your expectations, ask him how he feels about all of this, it is important to validate his emotions. He needs to find a job, sure it might not be amazing, but something to get some cash flow. Once he gets some employment he can begin to look for something that is more meaningful if that is what he is interested in. I say give him 2 months to find a job, and about 6- 8 months to get himself back on his feet, like making regular repayments to you and taking some more responsibility for his finances. It is good that you are working through something like this now, I feel like if you two can successfully work through these issues, your relationship will be stronger moving forward! Best Wishes!
I have to agree with Coolas. Love is great, but if your financial situation is going to be miserable when you marry him, YOU will be miserable. Don't condemn yourself to a miserable marriage.
I should also say that it would be a good idea to get a note signed by him promising to repay the money - but if I were you, I would bear in mind that he has no legal obligation to sign anything. If he really intends to pay back the money, you'll find out this way.
Bottom line, and I say it ALL the time here because I've seen Judge Judy before: NEVER LOAN A MAN MONEY. EVER. NEVER EVER EVER. It may sound sexist, but a man who has to rely on a woman to loan him money is not living up to the definition of a man. A guy who borrows money from his girlfriend is taking advantage of her, plain and simple.
Marriage would be a reeeeally bad thing right now and I know you know it.
The first thing I would do if I were you is to get him to sign a note saying how much he owes you and when he will have it repaid by. This is the responsible thing for you to do.
The thing that stands out to me in your post is that you would not have agreed to marry him if you'd known this before you said yes. Do you want to then marry a man when you already know this about him? Just something to think about.
I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.
Welcome to the board sportland,
I hope you take amcanmom's great advice and get a note signed.
Getting a signed note/ contract from him is a good way of showing him that you are serious about him paying you back, and about him being financially responsible, so definitely take that advice!
He is on a cruise right now....great. hahaha, that is, well, NOT COOL . it sounds almost exactly like something my boyfriend does, he is almost broke but OH MY his buddies plan a trip to ski, there goes 700$, oh and then again this summer, houseboating, 600$, he just HAD to go... I am not sure where their logic on this is formed, but it is flawed...
I once read somewhere that money is a major cause of divorce/ splitting up... so knowing that, it is a common issue...I think that once you have informed him of your expectations, ask him how he feels about all of this, it is important to validate his emotions.
He needs to find a job, sure it might not be amazing, but something to get some cash flow. Once he gets some employment he can begin to look for something that is more meaningful if that is what he is interested in. I say give him 2 months to find a job, and about 6- 8 months to get himself back on his feet, like making regular repayments to you and taking some more responsibility for his finances.
It is good that you are working through something like this now, I feel like if you two can successfully work through these issues, your relationship will be stronger moving forward!
Best Wishes!
Please don't marry this man - you are absolutely right to question his financial responsibility - and he obviously has NONE.
I have to agree with Coolas. Love is great, but if your financial situation is going to be miserable when you marry him, YOU will be miserable. Don't condemn yourself to a miserable marriage.
I should also say that it would be a good idea to get a note signed by him promising to repay the money - but if I were you, I would bear in mind that he has no legal obligation to sign anything. If he really intends to pay back the money, you'll find out this way.
Bottom line, and I say it ALL the time here because I've seen Judge Judy before:
NEVER LOAN A MAN MONEY. EVER. NEVER EVER EVER.
It may sound sexist, but a man who has to rely on a woman to loan him money is not living up to the definition of a man. A guy who borrows money from his girlfriend is taking advantage of her, plain and simple.
Marriage would be a reeeeally bad thing right now and I know you know it.