promotion means relocate, bf won't go

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
promotion means relocate, bf won't go
4
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:01am

Hi, I have a huge dilemma and don't know what to do. Please help.

I just received a new offer within the company I work for, but it would require us to move 1 hr north of where we currently live, where our corporate office is located. And we have 6 months to do so, (I can stay at this office that long.) On top of that, once I relocate, I'd receive a 15% increase in pay. I have to decline or accept this position by this Monday. Yeah.

So here's the problem. My bf of 2yrs, who I plan to marry, is dragging his feet. He's lived in our current city all his life. All his friends are here, he hunts here, his family is here, he plays sports here, etc. He works with his best friend in construction, although he doesn't make as much as I do right now.

So I don't know what to do. I even offered to live in the town where his parents have a cottage on the lake, which is only 1/2 hour away, and I would commute the other 1/2 hr to work. And I'm sure he can find work there pretty easy.

This whole thing is really straining our r'ship, but I'm not willing to lose him over this job. But then again, we're not going to get anywhere with me stuck in this position and him working construction the rest of our life either. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice would be great. BTW, both our parents think it's a wonderful opportunity that they think I should take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:05am

"I'm not willing to lose him over this job. "

Sounds like the choice has been made. You'll be giving up a great opportunity to advance sooner rather than later, but your boyfriend is more important to you. One of you has to make a sacrifice, and you seem as though you are willing to sacrifice the promotion.

Consider commuting. People have made longer commutes than that, my boyfriend currently makes a 1.5 hour commute every day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:31am

I think you will resent him if you turn down this opportunity. Do you two have plans to get engaged soon? I don't think you should make a decision like that unless you have a ring on your finger and you two had sat down and talked about all of your long term plans- are you on the same page with regards to future jobs, children, buying property, wedding date. If not you may regret making this decision because of him.

In what scenario would you not resent him or regret your decision? Why not take the job and move a half hour closer by yourself. If he follows you then you know you are a priority.




Edited 8/23/2007 12:38 pm ET by ciao__gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 12:53pm

I agree - I wouldn't make the decision to decline the offer w/o a ring on my finger. You have no idea what the future holds...you don't know how many offers there are out there. It might just be that you won't go far in your current town and you'll be constantly facing this decision.

I would move 1/2 hour away. That makes a 1/2 hour commute for BOTH of you and a great compromise. If he doesn't move with you, he can still visit you and keep the r/ship going from that distance.

Be careful here. Even if you don't resent him for this decision...if you are always the one who makes the sacrifice, its bound to happen sooner or later.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 3:14pm

Welcome to the board kwhere,


Is your bf even willing to consider moving somewhere else so you can take this promotion?