Quarter-life crisis?
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| Sun, 08-29-2004 - 6:55pm |
Talking with friends (one of whom is studying behavioral psych in grad school), the general idea is that his sudden weirdness and break-up with me has absolutely nothing to do with me and is just his quarter-life crisis (he's 26, so he's right on time!). In my break-up speech, he was telling me how unhappy he was with his job, how he hates his schedule, doesn't have enough time for me, he's not sure if he is the "One" for me, and that we should be engaged by now (we weren't). Says he needs to sort out his life (?).
Oh and on another note -- now, I am definitely not a person that believes much in psychics but when I was at the shore last week my friends and I thought it would be fun and apparently this woman is amazingly accurate (she predicted when a friend's SIL would have a child to the exact date). So I went in and she got me as soon as she said that I have a guardian angel that died at a young age and that is the only reason that I am here today (just to clarify, I have been in 2 major car accidents and was in a coma - but you can't tell a thing by just looking at me -- ....they said I wouldn't make it). So I was ready to believe everything she said after that. Okay, so the next thing she says is that she senses my long relationship with SO and then proceeds to warn me that starting right then, the next 2 months of my love life are going to be very difficult and above all else, I need to have faith in our love because it will pass. Too weird, right? Because the day after I got home, he broke up with me and left. She then proceeded to tell me that everything would be fine once he sorted out his security issues.
Am I ridiculous to believe in this? Should I just assume that he's gone and will never be back? His reasons for leaving and breaking it off aren't really very good -- he says a big reason is that we argue. WHO DOESN'T?!?! So, everything is up in the air at this point and I have no idea what is going on! Has anyone ever heard of this? Do I wait it out & stick by his side or consider him a lost cause? Arghhh.....I just don't know what to do!!! Help me, please!!!!
~* Kristen


I don't know about that. He says that he is unhappy and not sure if you two are meant to be together for life. I think that is a pretty good reason.
And 1/4 lilfe crisis? I haven't heard that one in all my years studying psychology but it seems that he just needs a change.
If you are unclear as to whether or not you broke up then call him and ask for a clear explanation. IF he wants out, accept it and move along.
They don’t have to be good. They just have to make sense to him. And you have to accept what he told you. You really don’t have any other choice.
He may just be getting cold feet about marriage. He may have decided that you are not ‘the one’ and doesn’t want to hurt you by telling you that. He may be really poor at conflict resolution and doesn’t know how to go about dealing with your arguments and communication issues and so he handled it by running away. All of them are valid reasons to leave – from HIS point of view.
<< Do I wait it out & stick by his side or consider him a lost cause?>>
Whether he comes back or not is anybody’s guess. Just depends on what is going on in his head. If he is just fearful about taking the next step, then he will probably come back if he gets more fearful about losing you. If he has decided that he no longer is ‘in love’ with you, then he probably never will come back. If it is just his way of handling conflict, then he may come back after he calms down and he may not if he just doesn’t want to do the ‘work’ that comes with all relationships. The best you can do is take care of yourself and keep your life busy with positive things (friends, family, hobbies, athletics, travel, education, career) and you will have moved forward in life whether or not he comes back. After all, you can’t make him come back, but you can do something useful with your time. Good luck getting through this painful period!