question on LOVE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
question on LOVE
8
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 1:41pm

I love my fiance VERY much and he loves me..


recently he kicked me out because of my "issues"...


He says he still loves me very much, won't give up and is here for me.


He said he's upset and needs time..


1. Do I totally cut off contact and give him his "time" until he contacts me?


2. How much "time" do men usually need?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 1:46pm

Welcome to the board helpwithlove,


Since he told you that he needed some time, I do think it is best that you want until he contacts you. In the meantime, since he break up with you because of your issues you can start working on those issues.


Do you agree with him that you have issues? If so, do you know what these issues are and are you willing to work on them?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 1:52pm

thank you...


yes i know the issues and have begun to work on them...


I have made progress I believe...


I just don't want this to end everything we have...


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 1:54pm

Give him at least a couple of weeks. If you don't hear anything after that, than contact him and tell him you love him and would love to work on things.


Best of luck to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 2:01pm
Sadly, what YOU want to do is only 50%. If he doesn't want to continue despite your progress, then that's his prerogative. Maybe he doesn't want to be with someone he has to wait for to make progress. I admire you for admitting your issues and making an effort to change - maybe it's too late for this particular guy but it will be a good thing for yourself to continue making steps toward who you want to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 2:02pm
I think you miss the point. Are you working on your issues? Are you in therapy? If he does take you back what will change for the better and how?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 2:04pm

Yes I am in coucelling and on medication now.


both have helped tremendously.


And Im working on being content with "me" and not relying on others


for happiness..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 3:25pm

Welcome to the board helpwithlove,


Glad to hear you are in counseling and working on your issues.


Here's some reading resources from another board to consider:


When he asks for space (aka, "a break")

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 6:20pm

Well, I don't know what he means by "he's still here for you" and neither do you. You don't want to be left hanging, waiting, not knowing what's going on. And, what are these issues he's so upset about? Just removing himself will not solve anything. In order for things to work, the two of you have to deal with the problems and find ways of resolving them. Just taking time away doesn't solve anything. If you can't work the issues through alone, then you need to get someone to help you do so.


Some guys cannot actually say they are leaving, so they say they need time to work things out. This is their way of saying good-bye. You have every right to know what he means, how he plans to work on these "issues, and what he is thinking of? You can call him and have a conversation where you ask him specifics to find what's truly going on. If he is vague, or doesn't want to deal with it, it sounds as though you should realize that