Question, Marriage should woman ask?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Question, Marriage should woman ask?
1
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 11:54pm
I just have a quick question I want to get some advice on. But first I want to give you a little background so you will understand my question a little better.

I have been with my BF for 4 years tomorrow. We have a very good relationship. And I know both of us can’t see our selves ever being with or wanting to be with anyone else. We are so nutty sometimes, people think we have only been together a short amount of time because of the way we still act around each other. Don’t get me wrong we still have our bad times just like any other couple. But we just seem to have this spark that just lives between us, no matter what.

We have both been married before, he with his X for 3 yrs, but only married for 1 yr (his wife cheated) and I was married for almost 10 yrs. We have been living together for a little over 3 years, and have bought a house together. We also have a 2 yr old Daughter together. (The light of our lives.)

Now for my question, is it wrong for a woman to ask a man to marry her? I have been really think a lot lately about how I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I think I might have screwed up in the beginning of our relationship, because I stated many times that I never wanted to get married again, because I lived thru hell with my X, who was the perfect gentleman until I said I do. And a friend of ours told me that right after our daughter was born he was going to ask me to marry him, but he lost his job, (he has a better one know) and didn’t want to until he had the ring to give to me. And to make matters worse this same friend (before they told me) was at our house seeing the baby and asks when we were going to make all that we had legal, and again I stated I didn’t want to get married again. So you see my problem, I see now how stupid I was being, I DO want to marry him, I want the whole world to know we are one together forever. So should I ask him, or should I just start leaving hints and give him a while to see if he asks. What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 9:32am
When it comes right down to it, I see nothing wrong with a woman proposing marriage. It happens. Now having said that, you need to really think about whether or not your bf would appreciate such a move. It sounds to me like he'd like to be the one to ask you when he's ready. I guess if it were me, I'd talk to him about it some more first. Tell him you want to get this going; that you are ready and really don't see any reason to wait any longer. Listen to his side of things and you might get a feel for how he would react to a proposal. If you sit around waiting for him to make the move, you may be waiting a lot longer. It's time to talk to him. Yes, I know it might take that 'fairtale magic' out of the idea of being asked out of the blue. But you have a child and that child deserves to have mommy and daddy united in marriage; especially if it will make a happier family as a result.

So, why don't you propose to him that he propose to you? :)

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi