Quick Question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Quick Question...
3
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 1:46pm
It's difficult to over come this "dwelling" on the past incidents... It's really long to explain so I'll make it short and to the point, bad things have happened since I was young so it's very difficult for me to trust people and he knew this when we first started going out. Well he's done several things to make me question or in other words not trust him at all. Everytime he did one of those things I wanted, and should have left and I have no clue why I've stayed. Of course besides I love him. But we've been together for 2 1/2 years and all that happened with in the first year but I can't get over it I can't just forgive him for it and let everything go back to the way it was it could never go back to good anyway. Any advice on what to do would be great.. I'm only 21 and he's 24 we our lease just ended so we're back at are parents and it's NOT easy.

I feel as though I love him and want him by my side forever but on the other hand I feel as though it's useless to even try anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 9:26pm
You have to be able to forgive and not necessarily forget, but be able to "put aside". You have to be able to do this not only for yourself, but for the relationship. It is hard to do, but if you want to save your relationship you must work very hard at it. Now on the other hand if he is just a constant *ick and not willing to do his part, then save yourself now before it is too late. If he vows to change, but never does, then he may not be as devoted as you are. It is hard to make such very important decisions, but you must look out for yourself first. If you are not satisfied with yourself, you can not be satisfied with someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 5:08pm
This sounds like a combination of your lack of trust and him doing specific things that hurt you but it is hard for us to say if you won't give specifics. Did he lie, cheat, abuse you? Can you just give us one or two examples of what he did?

Do you think it is time to deal with your insecurities and the bad things that happened? Maybe a counselor would be a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 1:56pm
Sometimes your head has to rule over your heart, and this is one of those times. If he hurt you and there's no getting over it, it's time to move on. (I'm telling myself this, as well.)

I'm sorry, but this seems to apply.