RE: Lies, Lies and more Lies
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RE: Lies, Lies and more Lies
| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 9:39am |
My husband had the NERVE to ask me the other day Who was more important to me My boys or him..CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT. He told me that in the bible the husband is suppose to come first. But were talking about a verbal abusive stepfather here of only a couple of months. I beleive in the bible they are talking about the bio father. He said you need to choose who is more important OMG...GROW UP. Of course I said my boys :)

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You chose to bring your kids into this world and you have the responsibility to make decisions that are in their best interests. As children, their wellbeing must come before anything else in your life. This doesn't mean you can never do anything for yourself, of course, just that you have to make sure what you do doesn't hurt the kids. Your husband is an adult. Presumably he can take care of himself. He doesn't need someone else to make a stable home for him and help him become a well-adjusted adult - he is supposed to be the one making the stable home for others. As a parent - or step-parent as the case may be - he has taken on the responsibility for these children. As you know, being a parent means sometimes having to make sacrafices for the wellbeing of the kids.
But What I can't figure is what would posess a grown man to ask such a question? He is so jealous of my relationship with my sons.. its crazy.
I'm in the same situation. But, my husband of 4yrs ( 7 yrs relationship) is the father of my last 2 of my 3 son. The boys are 9, 4 & 15 mos. He tends to be verbally abusive more to my son (9 yrs.) and I stay in his a-- all the time. I feel that these are my kids. I did the long 9 mos. , went through the Very hard labor & delivery, I feel my body was put out of shape. I feel that If I do all the parenting, potty training, homework & discipline, you have nothing to say. I've let him know time after time. I don't care what happens in this world, I love you, but I love my children more. Now maybe this was cruel of me to say, but I feel that you could walk out & leave me anyday, but my 3 sons are here to stay. From the bible "children are a gift from God". So I feel you said the right things.
Continue to let your children know each day how important they are to you.
GOOD LUCK
"In the bible it says, spare the rod and spoil the child." "In the bible it says a wife should submit\obey\please her husband." "I'm the head of the family, I make the final decision." Verbally abusive partners use scripture to make us bow down to them. In healthy relationships partners share equal responsibility and communicate willingness and are proactive to do their share in nurturing\loving and raising children to be all they can be. How dare he try to take that from you and your children. You don't need to prove anything to him. He thinks of your children as being less than himself.
The Bible is a very powerful thing, everyone can read different things within it. Speaking scripture to justify your actions is not religion. Living it well is what does. Sounds like he has a homogenized version of it, to my way of thinking.
Hmmm. Bible also says dont lie cheat steal... wow, guess his has been edited? :)
There is an enormous difference between those who let God speak through them rather than using God to speak through. Always remember that.
Any contact with him, whether you see it clearly, is INTIMACY. Fighting is intimate - you dont fight with those you dont care if they live or die, you just ignore them. Fighting is intensely personal and its a way he is using to keep in contact. You DO NOT HAVE to talk to him anymore. I so wish that you wouldnt!
First of all, when there is a new marriage, and particularly when there are step children, it is common to have a sense of rivalry and wondering where the new partner fits in. Clearly, your new husband wants to feel as though he is first in your affections. In and of itself this is normal, there is nothing wrong with it. Most men want to feel as though they are first with their wives. This does not mean that you should not love your sons deeply and take wonderful care of them, but you also must make emotional room for the new husband and help the sons to do the same. This is a delicate and often difficult process. It requires, time, patience, care and understanding. Secondly, you say that he is verbally abusive. That is another matter entirely. Abuse is never acceptable under any conditions. So, we have two different matters here. I suggest you seek some professional counselling about how to deal with this situation, which could escalate if not handled properly. Go with him to a counsellor and get some communicatioin going - understand how each are feeling and also set boundaries for behavior which is acceptable and healthy to you.
Best wishes.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
This is fairly easy to deal with. STOP LISTENING TO HIM! Block his email, don't answer his phone calls, change your number. IGNORE HIM!
He is a proven, documented liar. Why, oh why, are you wasting your precious time on this idiot? Haven't you already given him more of your life than he deserves? Surely, you can find something far more valuable to do with your time for the rest of your life. Like doodling, for instance, or watching paint dry. Far more lofty endevours, IMO.
Keep looking up^, Susan.
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