ready for the next step or the next man?
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ready for the next step or the next man?
| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:47pm |
Hello,
I'm a young woman (24yrs. old) and I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 3-4 years. We broke up for about a year and then got back together. I really love him. We always talk about the future and being together. Everything seems perfect except... Neither of us is really financially stable enough to take the next step of moving in together, especially him. We travelled a lot together after college and fell even more in love, I really want to see him making moves towards building a life with me and moving out of his parents house. But I don't want to kill his dreams either. He's an aspiring actor/director and is in classes now 3-4X a week which leaves little time for a full time job, although he says he's looking. I don't feel as though he realizes the way I feel. I have been hurrying up to wait now for a year. He still lives with his parents (who are wonderful, but definitely involved to say the least) and never has any money. I'm commited to living with my surrent roomate for at least another year. I just feel as though I've taken the initiative to move, find an apartment and grow up while he's still in limbo. In fact it feels as though our entire relationship is in limbo. How long can we stay like this? I know I'm young but I really long for the kind of stable, domesticated relationship I see my parents share. I want children and a household we can call our own. Am I being too impatient? I don't know how to sort out these feelings because I love him so much but these things are frustrating me more and more.
I'm a young woman (24yrs. old) and I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 3-4 years. We broke up for about a year and then got back together. I really love him. We always talk about the future and being together. Everything seems perfect except... Neither of us is really financially stable enough to take the next step of moving in together, especially him. We travelled a lot together after college and fell even more in love, I really want to see him making moves towards building a life with me and moving out of his parents house. But I don't want to kill his dreams either. He's an aspiring actor/director and is in classes now 3-4X a week which leaves little time for a full time job, although he says he's looking. I don't feel as though he realizes the way I feel. I have been hurrying up to wait now for a year. He still lives with his parents (who are wonderful, but definitely involved to say the least) and never has any money. I'm commited to living with my surrent roomate for at least another year. I just feel as though I've taken the initiative to move, find an apartment and grow up while he's still in limbo. In fact it feels as though our entire relationship is in limbo. How long can we stay like this? I know I'm young but I really long for the kind of stable, domesticated relationship I see my parents share. I want children and a household we can call our own. Am I being too impatient? I don't know how to sort out these feelings because I love him so much but these things are frustrating me more and more.

You have been together for quite a long while with this man and you are not that young to want a relationship that can grow and where you can build a life together. From what you say, it does not sound as though he is in the same place as you - in terms of life stages. It seems as though his focus now is upon being in classes and developing his career. You need to understand that working in theater (or film) is not at all like preparing for work in other fields. There is no certainty or security about when and if he will be able to become financially independent. This can go on for a long time if this is his chosen field.
You should set a deadline in your own mind for when you want things to move forward. Discuss it with your boyfriend - let him know what it is you want and need. If he isn't ready by the time you feel is fair for you, then, you must make a decision about whether you want to stay l ike this for an indefinite period or find someone who can offer you the stability and progress you so desire.
Two people can love each other very much but be on different time tables for their own life stages. It sounds as though this may be the case here.
Best wishes.
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