Really confused Help me on My Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Really confused Help me on My Marriage
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Fri, 05-28-2004 - 4:05pm
discussion title: MARRIAGE FAILING

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message #: 18217.1

from: jlo1300r

date: May-26 1:17 pm

replies: 4

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My husband and I have been married for five months. We dated for foun and a half years on and off. Finally this last time I just thought that it was fate that we be together so when he asked me to marry him I said yes! I put a wedding together with no help financially from him or his family. Even though they said they would help. Then about a month before the wedding he lost his job, due to his temper he walked out. They told him they would rehire him in 90 days. I just kept think that this is the devil getting in the way of what is suppose to be. We were suppose to buy a house but since he had no job we had to get the money back on it. We are living at his parents house. Well about a month after the wedding I started to feel that gut feeling that he was not going to get that job back. But he tried to tell me that I was just being stupid. We fought about it and fought. Finally the day came when the 90 days was up and they told him someone else took his place. Well for two weeks he showed not effort in finding a job. Then he finally started to look and found out that his police record was not exsponged like they had paid for. This was no big thing just him and a few of his friends when they were eighteen got caught hitting mail boxes. What do you expect they live in the country! So his parents said they would take care of it since they knew everyone in the town. Well that gave him another month to sit on his butt, watch TV, hunt, eat, and sleep. Finally I told his parents that they needed to tell him they can not fix the problem and that he had to get a job. They did and he finally has a job now. In between all of this stress from him is also a lot of emotional thing such as after the first month he would find reasons not to sleep in the bed with me. Off the wall things like you grind your teeth, your to boney, you roll around too much. Also when I would get home from work the dogs would bark and he knew I was home but I would have to walk to the room just to get a hi. If I asked him why he didn't clean up our room he said all you do is complain. With this stress I have developed and eatting disorder anorexia nervosa with purging. I am see a therapist and other things. When I came forward about all of this he acted like it was not a big deal. I went to have a EDG done at the hospital he didn't even show up. He told his mom that I had my parents, and that he was tired. He told me that he fell asleep and his mom didn't wake him. Then he said well it was just a test not surgery or anything. The therapist said that my stress levels are down and that I am being to hold down food that I was doing good where I was (at my moms) not to change that for awhile. I had not seen my husband in two weeks and not talked to him in 3 days. He finally called like nothing was going on. I tried to talk to him about the things we need to work on and he wouldn't talk he told me when you come here sunday to get some clothes get all you stuff. Sunday I went there and I tried to talk to him he would not even take the covers off his face. He siad through the blanket I told you get you stuff and go. Well I was crying his parents were too. So left went back to my moms, he called the next day saying how sorry he was and called my mom to and said how sorry he was. Then we had lunch yesterday and he just agreed with all the things I said. Like you need to get us a place of our own before we live together again, I need more affection, I need your support with all that is going on! Well he just agreed and I was happy but then I thought we have been through this before and it always goes back, he is just agreeing so I will make up with him. He called me this morning and I really just didn't want to talk I was already running late for work. I thought I hung the phone up when I looked at my mom and said "now he is going to call me all the time" then I heard a voice from the phone I picked it back up and he said you didn't hang up the phone well I love you talk to you later. I told him that I loved him to bye. I made sure the phone was hung up this time. But I am just so confussed on what to do! Do I keep trying? Do I finally say that is enough? If I say that is enough am I the quiter? Please help me?



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 12:19am
I think you have to visualize you in 2 or 4 years, with babies, maybe working at the same time, feeding all family and with that man you married.

If you think that in 4 month he did all that, what you think he can do in a year??

You are in time to make decisions, so let things to go on, and let him to fight with his life, if he became the person you want, and you want to try again, give him a chance, but for now I think, you have to thanks God for your mother and family, you have them and they love you, so you know you are supported by them and you DO NOT NEED TO RECIEVING BAD TREAT, you deserve the best, ,maybe you dont have a real crowm, but you always have to be the queen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 8:34pm
I agree with grwei2004 - well said, "If you think that in 4 months he did all that, what you think he can do in a year?"

Please don't have babies with this man until you figure out what to do with your life. I would suggest counseling for you so you can work on your self esteem and sort this out. You do not deserve this and it is not going to get better.

Personally I think I would throw in the towel and go back home to your mom.