Really confused...long (sorry)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Really confused...long (sorry)
8
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 2:34pm

I'm really, really confused about what is going on here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 2:46pm

This guy sounds like quite a charmer. Why in the world would you tolerate being treated like this? He's selfish and abusive. Don't say "but I LOVE him," because you can love a lot of people in your life, it doesn't mean you have to shack up with them, commit to them or merge your life with theirs. He's using you.


Throw this one back and try again. You will do much better next time if you demand to be treated with dignity and respect from the very beginning.

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 3:48pm
Stop using logic here. He is selfish. Why have you been putting up with it? Only you are responsible for your happiness. He is not going to change, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 3:55pm

Welcome to the board confused_in_cali,


Your guy sounds like he's very passive-aggressive (wants to go with you to get the meds, but makes you wait because he's watching TV - like that's important - sorry), selfish/self-centered (won't compromise at all on what you two watch together to spend Quaility Time together ), and blames you for his illness (like you caused it) and blames you for arguing - ha ha - this is him not being comfortable with you turning the tables on him and calling him on his '*stuff*.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 4:28pm
He isn't always like this but I feel like I only get relief from this side of him when he is in a really good mood or I am "super-girlfriend."
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 4:34pm

Even before you wrote this: shake the feeling that he is trying to manipulate me and/or mess with my head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 7:09pm

"I've asked him to talk to a counselor for his issues in running away from relationships/life when it gets difficult and his anger issues (especially road rage)...he put it off. I think it might be time to push the issue or pack my bags."

You've already pushed the issue and you've gotten your answer. He's not interested in changing. It must be really nice for him to have a girlfriend who will let him do whatever he wants. Here's a hint: tolerance is not in what you say, but in your ACTIONS. Getting angry at someone for disrespecting you and then sticking around is still tolerating it. Put your foot down about what is a deal-breaker for you and demand respect. When you don't get the respect you deserve, you have to leave. Another person's actions are his own to control, not yours. Unless he really wants to do something then nothing will change; to continue putting up with his behavior will only show him that the best way to get what he wants is to continue doing whatever he's doing, because no one is actually going to stop him.

Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, but you have to be the one to define the terms of your own happiness and not let anyone stand in your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 11:26pm

I agree with everyone else. Good luck with your doing what you know you need to decide to do. Everyone here is right - you don't need a man like that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 11:37am

This sounds very much like a codependent relationship to me, where it's all about one person satisfying the needs of the other.