really disappointed in husband
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| Sat, 12-01-2007 - 8:10pm |
I have posted before about my trip to Australia to help my daughter with her second child. I had a marvelous time there and was so happy. We all got along so well and my granddaughter knows "memere" now. To recap...my husband didn't want me to go in the first place but then tried to put restrictions on me as to how long I would go. etc. Well, I went for 3 weeks which is what I wanted to do. My husband is now saying "I broke my promise to myself and went to California to meet you. Then I broke my promise that I wouldn't call you. Blah Blah.
But the whole thing is that tonight, I was talking to my daughter and we were saying...he should come to grips and she said..let me talk to him. So I brought the phone up to our third level (I was on the 1st) and I said, "Someone wants to talk to you" and he said...I am not talking to anyone. Who is it? And I said my daughter's name...and he said..No I will not talk to her until we resolve our issues." It was so RUDE...and she was there. I really don't like my husband. I am so good to his kids and my kids are so good to him. This is really a crock.
Then he wants to make a big thing out of the fact that I said...ok if I go to Australia to help my daughter for two weeks you could come over for the third week and then we could travel. Now it is ...oh, you really wouldn't have had to go for 3 weeks. You could have gone for two..because you said if I came over you would go with me. I can't stand this baby. I am going to counseling to see what is going on with me and why I have put up with this baby for so long.
Also ,, he keeps writing me letters and kept a diary of every day while I was gone. I'm sorry I am not that tied into him. Some people would think that is wonderful, but I have yet to read the F-in diary. I feel like he is a big bag upon my back.
Please help!!

Hi moonbeamawaken,
Here's your previous posts for reveiw and for others to catch up on your story:
Demanding Husband
Need support for what I'm doing
Emotionally drained
Your husband is still demanding, controlling and manipulative.
Yikes, it sounds like your husband is a control freak and wants a mommy to take care of him otherwise he will sulk and make your life miserable.
Thank you, Carrie, ciao_gina and Coolas. Here is an update on the situation. We had a big blowup after he refused to talk to my daughter and after I wrote to this board. I told him he was acting like a child not a grownup. I was furious. I said it was totally ridiculous to punish my daughter who actually even loves him to manipulate me. I laid him out in spades and then went to bed. The next morning he said, "I was wrong. I love your daughter and I really didn't like myself the way I behaved. I'm going to call her and tell her I'm sorry and that I love her and am happy about the baby." And later in the day (because of the time difference, our night is her morning) he did call and tell her he was wrong and he was sorry. It was a big step for him. I am working on myself to become more independent and there are two big maxims I have made up for myself to follow. 1) You have the Power, Use it and 2) Pay attention to and follow your gut. Another big idea to pay attention to is that I am not responsible for my husband's feelings. It is, perhaps, good that this all came to a head. I am learning about myself and growing. I am finding that there are things that I will not tolerate.
While I was in Australia, I saw a therapist who helped. I also found that books by Gottman on relationships are helpful. I'll post these soon. Thanks again. Also, Coolas, I have made some trips to visit my other children alone since Australia which is good. My husband gets along well with my children and enjoys them...so he likes to visit them, too, with me, but it is also important to see them one on one.