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| Sat, 06-26-2004 - 4:14pm |
I am new to this message board....probably should have been here before. Here is the problem. My husband of 9 years just told me that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. This is not the worst part ...I am 36 weeks pregnant right now.
Some background we have been together 12+ years and knew each other for at least a year or so before that. I moved to where he lived 10 1/2 years ago. We waited 5 years before we had our daughter just so that we were financially set. We had a great arrangement for her care when I worked. He had a schedule so that he was home with her in the AM and then private babysitter at our house for 4 hours till I got home. I had to work since I was the bread winner. ABout 18 months ago I asked if could move back to where I am from and he said that he would like to do that for me. We were starting to try for a 2nd child and I felt that I need a better support system. Since we have no family within an hours drive.
We sold our house but still had not found jobs. The same day the house sold I found out that I was pregnant. He was the one realy pushing for the baby. A month later I was laid off. I had been the bread winner until then. Now my husband was not diligent in looking for something. (applied for 2 jobs total in a year) It hit me 2 weeks ago that he is not being lazy but does not want to move. WHen asked he said that was true. Now Thursday night he drops a bombshell that not only does he not want to move but he thinks I should go with our girls and that he is no longer in love with me.
He said that he has been feeling pressure and I never thought that anything that he did was good enough. He has been unhappy for so long that he thinks that we are just through. I am blown away. He got me pregnant while feeling like this. He has been faking everything for a long time. The sad part is that he is usually a terrible liar. Why didn't I see this? Why didn't he bring this up before now? How can he give up on our children? His 2nd daughter will not even know him if we do this. He and our 1st are so close. He took care of her every morning when I went to work for 3 years.
I want to see a counselor and he said that he will go but will only give it a couple months and does not really want to. I know that I am in denial or dis-belief but 1 month from giving birth I think that we have to try something. Am I fooling myself?

Reading material to consider:
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
Should I stay or Go: How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage, Lee Raffel and Jean Jouston
How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
Divorce Busters by Michelle Weiner-Davis
Pick only one or two.... hopefully, he will be willing to try. Sorry for your pain.
Carrie
I know that there is never a good time for this but being 36 weeks pregnant and emotional is not helping.