Rebuilding self-esteem

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Rebuilding self-esteem
2
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 10:32am
After finding out that my boyfriend of 3 years was seeing another girl for a few months, I was devastated. He thought she was very pretty and he was attracted to her. Even though he has ended all contact with her now and we are working to rebuild our relationship, it's getting harder and harder. I feel so insecure about myself and compare myself with every girl that remotely looks like her. I feel so ugly and unattractive. My bf tells me I am beautiful all the time but now I don't believe it anymore. I just feel so down. How do I make myself feel better? What can I do? Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 12:57pm
Reading material for self-esteem:

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon

The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen

The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz

Reading material to help rebuild the relationship:

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful -- Janis Abrahms

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore

Most couple's can't rebuild without counseling. The betrayal, cheating issues must be addressed.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 1:26pm
Was he cheating on you, or had you two broken up for awhile? Your situation sounds similar to mine...I dated my bf for three years, and then we broke up. Now we're back together (were broken up for four months), but he got involved with someone new within a few weeks of us breaking up, and I'm having a really hard time getting over that. I feel like I must not have mattered much, that our three-year relationship didn't matter much, if he could jump into a new relationship that quickly. He too has cut off all contact with her, but I'm still insecure. I think in your situation, the fact that he chose YOU should make you feel better. Just keep reminding yourself of that (and definitely get counseling if he did in fact cheat on you--like that other response said, that needs to be addressed). Unfortunately, in my case, the woman he was seeing moved to another state, so it was easy for him to "choose me"--it was me or no one. So I can't tell myself he chose me and didn't want to be with her...I still fear he really wanted to be with her.

Best of luck to you. I can feel what you're feeling.