Rebuilding trust

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Rebuilding trust
13
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 5:08pm
How do you regain one's trust? If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it because I wonder if there are things I can try that I have not. Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 5:47pm

Off the top of my head...

For the person who has done wrong:
1.needs to be truly sorry for their actions and show this
2.have total transparency in their future actions
3.to have analysed WHY the error happened and put steps in place to prevent it happening again

For the person who was wronged:
they need to be prepared to put their heart on the line again. You see, if this person will not take the risk to trust again, then no actions of the part of their partner can encourage the trust to be rebuilt.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 12:10pm
Thank you for your reply. I will see what I can do but my bf is not a forgiving nor trusting individual. It may not work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 5:34pm

If he's not forgiving or trusting by nature, then nothing will work.

Though I've gotta say, why do you want a relationship with someone who isn't forgiving and trusting? They are two basic requirements for a good relationship.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 5:46pm

It is going to be very hard to win his trust back if he is not willing to forgive you and make an effort to work past this. Both people have to be willing to work on the relationship in order to fix it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 3:11pm

I know that I am fighting an uphill battle. My bf claims he wants to forgive me but he is unforgiving by nature, he feels that since I am one of the EXTREME few people in the world he trusted - I "backstabbed" him so how can he forgive that (he doesn't even trust his family - only me and maybe two friends), and he doesn't know how to forgive. I don't know how to explain it to him. As far as trust, I let him know my whereabouts (who I am with, what time i arrived somewhere, what time I am leaving somewhere - most of my free time out of work is with him anyway), he has access to my cell phone and an itemized bill each month, my e-mail accounts, etc....I have not kept any secrets from him - I am totally open but he claims "he never wanted this type of relationship". I have explained that hopefully he will come to be able to trust me again someday and this "checking" in can slowly stop.

Am I wasting my time? I love him, our two cats, our bestfriendship and the 10 plus years together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 1:41pm
Well, the last few days have been "ok" at home until last night... My bf wants to "run into" the other guy (the one I had been with. He wants to antagonize the guy to start a fight with him. I just want to leave the guy where he is - out of the picture. My BF strongly feels this would be our first leap to him regaining trust in me. He said if we intentionally try to run into this guy, after my bf sees what comes of that, he will be ready to almost trust me 100%. I really don't see how this rebuilds trust. I don't know how to get this wacky idea out of his head - could anyone offer any advice - I have been stalling this idea for months...DESPERATE
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 1:44pm
Are you sure you are with the right guy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 2:08pm

I think this is a horrible, horrible idea.


Why do you want to be with someone like this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 2:36pm
As time goes by - I have been thinking the same thing. He says that if "cheated" on me - I would act the same way - absolutely not!!! I know part of the things he says is because he is angry but I don't agree with his "ideas" as far as this goes. Thanks for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 3:00pm
Don't let him bully/pressure you into doing things you don't want to do or aren't comfortable doing.
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