reconcile??
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| Thu, 04-08-2004 - 1:37pm |
My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. We had been together for a year and had a great relationship..we both agree it was the best year in both of our lives. Prior to the breakup we had been making plans for the future...getting engaged etc. To make a long story short, he got demoted at his father's company (a huge shock to him and his ego) and we had our first big fight in the same week of the break up. He retreated and wanted to be alone. I gave him the space he asked for for a few weeks. We finally talked this past weekend and he suggested that we see each other a few times a month (go out to dinner etc) He said he still wants more time alone but sees us still having a future. I explained to him how this time apart, although painful, has also been beneficial as I've been able to reflect on the relationship and also to make changes to my own life, try new things, and spend more time on myself. So I don't know if it's a good idea to see him at all. I don't have expectations for him at this point. If he doesn't want to be together right now it's ok, I'm fine. I know it's not a good idea to see your exes if you want to move on but if you don't see them then how do you leave room to maybe reconcile and try again?

You let him know that you would like to hear from him if and when he is ready to get back together, but in the meantime you need to not have contact with him.
Spending time with him when you want more will just be an exercise in frustration for you.
I would only add, think about this, if you were already married and he suffered a blow to his ego (fired at work, or what ever) what would happen? Would he move out? Leave you alone? He needs coping skills, MOST men do the 'cave' thing, withdraw when hurt/ego blow, instead of reaching out and don't want to talk about it, share, etc. however, this also interferes with their ability to cope. The coping mechinism varies - withdraw, depression, drink, sex, etc because most of them don't feel they *need* help, nor do they want it.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie