Refuses to Give Me Compliments

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Refuses to Give Me Compliments
8
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 1:58pm

The problem that I am having with my boyfriend of almost 5 years is that he does not

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 2:16pm

I think you might try to find validation from another source other than your boyfriend's compliments.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 2:21pm

Welcome to the board lindsaylt,


Consider the book: Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, read it to him even. Sounds like your love language is Verbal Praise and his compliments could go a long way to make you feel loved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 2:37pm

I can definitely relate to your pain, and understand that it is hurtful when our SO's don't make us feel special. I had a similar situation as yours, but mine was brought on by my becoming pregnant, and my husband later confessed to me that he was worried that I would gain a lot of weight after I had the baby. He was worried because he thought I was so beautiful BEFORE and didn't want me to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 4:22pm

Why is he being held responsible for your self-esteem and insecurity?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 5:36pm
He isn't responsible for your self-esteem and your self-esteem shouldn't be based solely on your looks. Is he a good boyfriend? Does he do nice things for you? Does he treat you well? How is your relationship otherwise?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 6:35pm

Just kind of a note on how guys seem to work.

Men don't respond well to negative criticism. Saying "it makes me feel bad that you don't compliment me any more" will not make him more likely to compliment you; in fact what you've just said to him creates a NEGATIVE connotation to complimenting you.

Try changing your phrasing. "I love when you say nice things about me" is a good start. That way he associates the act of complimenting you with positive feelings... Rather than associating NOT complimenting you with bad ones.

Hope that helped a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 6:59pm

First, I do not hold him responsible for my self-esteem, but obviously his indifferent attitude towards my needs have negatively affected my self worth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 7:06pm