Relationship is hanging by a thin thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2012
Relationship is hanging by a thin thread.
Sun, 01-01-2012 - 1:52pm

I admit, I'm not really much of an angel: I've done drugs, lied a lot, was a huge party girl for quite a while before I met my boyfriend... When he came into my life I was that girl who was "rolling" on x and going to every party and nightclub, but as soon as we got into our relationship I gave up that life because I found someone better... and I found the courage to give up all the illicit substances. My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship; we have been for the past 6 months. I know it may not really be much compared to others, but this is the first relationship I've had in quite a while. Call me crazy, but I love this person so much it's insane. We were friends for quite a while before this so it's not like I fell for a stranger.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Sun, 01-01-2012 - 3:13pm

Well, this is not what you want to hear, but your boyfriend is not treating you well and you really should get out of this relationship, get some therapy and work on yourself before you get into another relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-01-2012 - 4:36pm

I am confused--if you're not in the same state, how does he even know what you're doing as far as men hitting on you, how much you talk to met, etc.?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 10:15am

I think it's time to break that "thread".........because this relationship isn't going to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 3:38pm

weepingwillow, healthy relationships simply don't embody this amount of "allowance" - you two are so controlling of one another that it's impossible for either of you to feel any semblance of true freedom or trust. You may love him, though if you are using the words "crazy" and "insane" to describe it then that does raise a lot of concern. "Crazy" and "healthy" are not two adjectives that can coexist.

I wonder if you can accept that you love this person and the fact that he encouraged you, at one point, to become a better person, but at the same time, understand that this isn't a good relationship anymore. Nor does he bring out the best in you.

You have made strides to becoming a person who you feel good about, and that is WONDERFUL, but you did that for yourself. He isn't a part of who you are.

i will be straight with you - the things he is saying to you is extremely typical of an abusive person. i'm not saying physically abusive necessarily, but this amount of control and emotional manipulation ("you're lucky I'm still around") is textbook abuse.

You're asking how to fix a broken person (him) and it's not possible. You have proven to yourself that you can be a better person than you were, and I think it's time to have faith in yourself as an individual. You can suvive without him and at some point you will look back on all of the things he's said and done and realize how dangerous it all is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 5:24pm

Being in a long distance relationship is soo hard. Especially if one is insecure, it sounds like he thinks you're "flirting" or being too nice on purpose. If he has to throw it in your face ( that no other guy would tolerate what you do and would leave), than maybe you two need to take a "break" and realize if this is what you both want. I wish you good luck with everything! KLittle