relationship stress

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
relationship stress
5
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 7:50pm
IS a relationship supposed to be stressful? I havnt been in to many relationships and out of all of them, this one is the most stressful but also this one is real. I think I just bring it to myself, I worry to much.
It all started when I was still in the marines and my girl was living in PA and she had gone down to VA to find a place to live and do something with her teacher thing, b/ she is a teacher. She had gone out with her ex boyfriends best friend who is a guy and his friends, along with her new roomate who is another teacher, she told me he is a good friend. When she went back to PA she changed and was confused and said to me on the phone " this is why I want to move down there, to meet people and have fun", well we worked it out but ever since then that made me change and Im always stressed out. I want her to go out but now Im always wondering "is she talking to other guys", "will she find someone else" or even is she cheating, but Im pretty sure she isnt doing that. Im alwyas being negative.
I know both of us love each other but I really get stressed b/ now Im in richmond for now and she is in va beach and when she goes out Im always worrying. Its like that time really twisted my mind and I guess u can say i lost trust. What should I do? Is there anything I could do to take stress off myself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:15pm
Has she ever given you any reason not to trust her or is this about your own history with cheating women? Is this something she could really do or just your jealousy that needs to be dealt with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:36pm
Ive never cheated on any women. She just suddenly changed a few months ago for a few days and then we talked about it and she said we need to go slow and if it happens than it happens. I dont want anything super serious as a relationship close enough to be engaged but just want something special, some commitment. I just put my all into her and with what she wants now, I dont want to break my own heart because she has said she cant make any promises. I asked her if we have a future, as a couple, and she gave me the same answer,"I cant make any promises" She is very independant. Other than that she hasnt cheated on me. Im not jealous of her going out, I want her too but she just says things that make me think that "who knows she might find someone else", but why would she? When were together were perfect. She has been thru alot of rough relationships and IM the first one to actually treat her the way she should be treated and it puzzles me why she wont take me more serious. I just thought her being a little older that she would give me a little more as in a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:41pm

Hi jhutman,


Sounds to me that the change in her - going out with an ex that is a good friend - and now she's having fun and wanting to go slow with you - my guess is she has changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 1:09pm

Well when we first starting talking she didnt want to get into nothing serious and we just kept talking and we became a couple. When we first met it was a long distnance relationship and I know her last two before me were long distnace too. Since she was moving to VA she didnt want anything serious but since I was going tobe in VA, it was different.

We have talked about it and Ive tried and she just wants to go slow and yes that is a good thing but I just wish I could know what will happen. I know she loves me alot and when were not together we text or talk on the phone all the time. Its just when we are together its that great, seriously. I see her like 2-3 times a week and I will be moving closer soon. I just think maybe because Im here all the time and I wasnt befor ethat it may be different. Like I said I just dont want to breakmy own heart. She knows Im a great guy and I dont think she will take the chance of losing me, but who knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:58pm

dude...you have the love blinders on.

you are not listening to what she is telling you: She knows Im a great guy and I dont think she will take the chance of losing me, but who knows.

she is taking the chance...she is telling you not to think of your future with her. she is telling you that she likes you around, but don't count on her to be there in the future.

pay attention...her behavior is not that of someone that is worried about losing you.

you don't trust her because, well, she does not deserve your trust that she is actually committed to a relationship with you...because, she is not.