Relationships and Clubs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Relationships and Clubs
3
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 3:05pm

Hi, I was looking for some advice and thought I would try here. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 1/2 years now. We have each broken up with each other once for other partners, and later realized how much we missed each other. We keep going in circles with one problem and I don't know what to do. She likes to go out and dance and we live 3 hours away from each other. The past few times she has gone out without me and I end up getting jealous. I know she loves me and wouldn't do anything but I still can't let it go. The last time she went out was with her bestfriend who is single and the fighting was really bad. Should it be me that compromises or her? If it is perfectly normal for a girl to go out with one of her friends clubbing then I would feel better, I just don't know. On a side note, she usually drinks before going out. Thanks

Andrew

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:50pm

Andrew, you are being totally irresponsible in your relationship here. Your GF is doing nothing wrong and if you continue your controlling ways it will come across as abusive. That is the potential consequence of your current actions. Is that what you want?

The biggest part of trust is knowing you can trust yourself regardless of what happens in life. Now is the time to show her some honor. It's not a time to turn into a control freak. Let her enjoy herself and she will be much more happier when she is with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 5:19pm

Hi Andrew,

I have to disagree with Spice Man on this issue. You mentioned that you and your girlfriend both broke up for other partners, is that correct? What were the circumstances of these break-ups for other partners? (i.e. was it cheating, etc.). If it is what I suspect, your real issue isn't with her going out and dancing, it is with her meeting someone while she is out and deciding that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. If you haven't had trust issues in the past with your relationship (of course that depends on why you broke up) then I would say your expectations are out of line, as she is entitled to have fun -- however, it sounds as if you are having difficulty trusting her not to find someone else and that could be perfectly understandable. If this is the case, I would suggest you talk with her about it and communicate very clearly why it makes you uncomfortable so that she understands that you are not trying to control her. Then, perhaps ask her if she could call you at some point during the nights that she goes out, just for a few minutes, to say hello and be in contact. I'm sure it would make you feel connected to her! However, if she says no to this, she has every right to do so -- its just a good way to compromise so no one's feelings are hurt. Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:42pm
She ended up breaking up with me first. Her ex-bf called her July of '05, about 6 months into our relationship and she ended up going to see him. This was after she broke it off with me, but I ended up finding out. So a couple months after breaking up with me she comes crying back to me and I end up taking her back. I broke up with her last April because I was interested in this other girl, it lasted maybe 2-3 weeks, then we broke up and I went back to my old GF. During that time we were apart she hooked up with her ex-bf again and two other guys. She said no one had ever hurt her like I did and she was pissed at the world. It has been a year since I broke up with her and she says she completely trusts me. I guess things from the past really make me have a hard time trusting her. Before we were ever together, we went clubbing with one of my good friends. I remember hearing how she made out with some guy on the dance floor so that still sticks in my head too even though we weren't interested in each other. That was almost three years ago, I just can't let go of thinking she is still that same girl.