Relationships the second time around

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Relationships the second time around
2
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:30am
Me and my boyfriend decided to get back together after 4 days of breaking up. He said he still needs to figure out his feelings for me though. The problem with this is that we're dealing with Long Distance since he got a job on a different state. We talk, email each other but I feel depressed because he still needs to figure things out for himself and stuff after more than 2 weeks since we got back together. There's still that unspoken gap between us because of this uncertainty.

I used to be a possessive girlfriend so I know that it was my fault. But I have changed and I am trying to exercise patience and giving him the space that he wants. But I am scared that he'll just leave me in the end since he's in a new place..new friends..etc.

I guess I just need to know the things that I can do to perk up our relationship again even we're living long distance or at least to know how to make our conversations more interesting. I dont want to lose him, not yet..if there's anything that I can do to make our relationship better then I would do it. Im not gonna let this fall apart without even trying.

Thanks and I appreciate all the help =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:48pm
It's hard waiting when you don't know what's going on. That's part of life, taking a chance, having faith and knowing you can't control him, his decisions or anything about his thought process.

You might have to set a time limit for yourself, like say a month, where you get busy with your life and not think about his decision. Then when the time is up, you bring up the subject with him and make a decision for yourself - meaning what's best for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:20pm
Yeah, Im just in a wait and see situation right now. I wanted him to visit next weekend though, he's supposed to but he hasnt opened up about it yet. Last time I mentioned it to him he said he should prolly take a look at plane tickets. I do understand that he might be still scared to see me because he might not feel anything to me anymore..but I miss him so much and I myself is partly scared too. Mixed feelings suck.



I just wanted him to come over because I just want to treat him to a nice dinner after our Anniv this month and hold a surprise poker night with his friends for him. Just hang out and have fun..bridge the distance between us more like as friends. But I dunno if I should ask him if he would like to come over or not. I dont want to sound desperate and needy.

Also, I get confused between doing the 'be aloof and cool' tactic and the 'be nice, sweet and understanding' tactic.