Remaining Friends with an ex

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Remaining Friends with an ex
11
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 5:19pm
My boyfriend has remained friends with an ex from years ago. Ive found pictures of her naked on his computer and he claims he forgot they were there.
I just don't get why he has to talk to her. She has a boyfriend and lives in another state. But I just don't get why they still need to have a connection.

Thoughts anyone???
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 6:25pm

I don't have problem with people remaining friends with an ex.  I do.  But keeping naked pictures of an ex on the computer is definitely wrong.

My ex and I are good friends.  His SO and my DH both know that, and sometimes we even get together, just one big happy family!  ;-)  In my case, we keep the connection because my ex and I were good friends first before we started dating.  We cannot stand each other under the same roof but nonetheless he is a good person and a good friend. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 7:27pm

I am sorry.  You have every right not to trust him.  Having naked photos of her on his computer tells me two things:

1.  In this day of hacking and "cyber insecurity", casually placing his ex's naked pictures on his computer(s), he can easily create an embarrassing situation for her at best, blackmail at worst.

2.  He does not seem to have much concern and respect for you in keeping the photos, calling her, etc.

So in essence he has not shown to be decent or have good judgment when it comes to you, or with his ex. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 2:29am
It depends. Were they friends long before they started dating? I think IF the conversations between them were all out in the open for you to hear it would be different than them always talking privately when your not around. And there's NO REASON for him to be holding on to naked pictures of her if he's committed to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 5:15am

Truelove, I'm assuming that you've been spying on his computer to find this pictures.  What prompted you to go through his files?  

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 3:00am

I understand that he may have friends who at one time he was sexual with.  And picture taking was part of the relationship.  I think that you were snooping and "found" those pictures.  But they have nothing to do with you.  He knows that he cannot trust you.  Privacy works both ways.

  Why he talks to her?  Because they are friends.  Many people keep in touch with friends that they make.  It is not a big deal. 

dragowoman

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 12:14pm

His friendship with her should be out in the open, not always occuring when you are not around. He knew perfectly well that those pictures were there.

Those pictures must go. However, he may have copied them to any number of places. An external had drive, another computer, a flash drive, CD or DVD, uploaded to a file storage site, sitting in an email account like gmail, etc. So you will never know if all the copies of those pics are really gone. If she was sending those to him while you two were dating, then you have a huge problem on your hands. If it happened before that, then yes they had something weird going on after the break up, but it didnt happen whe nyou were with him. However it does raise some suspicsion about the level of intimacy they carried on after they broke up.