Is a renewed relationship 23 yrs still
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| Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:15pm |
Around the holidays, she stated that she needed some time to herself. For 20 years she had been in a terrible marriage and went from this marriage right into a relationship. Between having problems with her kids, her ex, job and then attempting to be fair in our relationship, she needed a break. Well we did have this break for about 3 months. Very little contact, nothing. Then we started seeing each other again. I got my divorce and she is working o her. Our relationship seems so much better, however, now I never hear her tell me that she loves me. We are so good together in every way. Is this something that I sould be alarmed about. Her friends tell em that she loves me and does not want anyone else, but not hearing those 3 little words, really hurts.
Thanks

Carrie
I have not told her that I needed to hear it since we have come back together since the holidays. She sends me cards with "Sweetheart, I love you" and other things like this alot. She shows me that she loves me and we discuss future things that we want to do together, but in live conversation, I never hear I Love you. In a way I am hesitant to say something to her about it for fear of her saying something like, I can't say that now.
This weekend, she is going to the beach with the people that work with her. This is something that she has done every year for the past 12 years, this sametime each year. Part of me feels concerned, that she is going down there with out me, but part of me feels that it will be good for her to get away. Where she works there are 5 people in the shop. 2 are married and 3 are single. I was invited last year to go, since someone could not go, we had a blast.
I love this woman more then anyone ever. She knows that, my family knows that her friends know that. I just want to know that she feels the same way. I have my divorce and she just signed the papers to get hers. This has nothing to do with it , but we are 5 years apart in age, she being older. I am 47.
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
The first one about the different ways people express and show love... different styles.
The second one has exercices that you might want to consider doing with her. The questions are geared to determining what you need in a relationship and how to express them to your partner. Like list the things that make you feel welcomed into your partner's space, etc.
Anyway, I'm always amazed at what people will and won't do to make their partner feel good about the relationship.
This book: The 10 Second Kiss, Ellen Kreidman - says that the reason people fall in love and stay in love isn't how they feel about the other person, but how they feel about themselves when in the other person's company.
When I got together with my bf, we discussed things that bugged us about our previous relationships. He commented that his ex never told him or expressed in any way what she felt was attractive to her about him. And that there was no romance. We both take the time to make each other comfortable, to be each other's source of flirting, giving a little ego boost now and then, as neither of us wants someone else to fill that position.
Hopefully, the reality of her divorce hasn't set her back with dealing with old feelings, grief, feeling like a failure, etc that divorcing can cause.
My best to you.
Carrie
When we first started seeing each other again, many times she would tell me how good it feels to be in my arms and how good I look. Now, once in a while she will tell me how good it feels to cuddle with me and to be in my arms.
I do love this woman and really want to marry her in the near future, BUT I don't want to throw away years together if she does not feel anything like that for me.
Any Ideas. Have you seen, heard or been in a situation like this before?
Thanks
Sheri