Resenting Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Resenting Him
3
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:48pm
How do I go about financially separating myself completely from my boyfriend without ruining the relationship? As it is now, he owes me HUNDREDS of dollars that I will never see again. I just got laid off from my job and am making enough through unemployment to fend for just myself, but because I lent him his rent (it was either that or we'd be evicted), my car insurance has been dropped and my phone was disconnected. Then he has the nerve to tell me he's feeling a little resentful of me for not having a job and making us more financially stable. I've been completely financially UNstable since he and I started dating because he was in college and I was trying to support us. To top matters off, his mooch friend came over the other night and started patronizing me about not working. I was offended and asked my boyfriend why he didn't say anything to his friend for his rude remarks and he said, "Because I didn't think he said anything out of line."

I'm starting to hate him and I feel like he's dragging me down, but I love him and I know this current financial situation is the reason for all of our relationship angst. I don't want to break up over money, but if things keep going this way, that's exactly what's going to happen. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 5:14pm
It's hard to go backwards and put an agreement in place that will be agreeable to you both at this late date. Like 1/2 is everyone's responsibilities and you won't be loaning him money, etc.

I hope someone else has some good advice for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 5:15pm
"I'm starting to hate him and I feel like he's dragging me down, but I love him and I know this current financial situation is the reason for all of our relationship angst."

I disagree. All of your relationship angst is not being caused by money. It's being caused by a lack of mutual respect, consideration, support, empathy and maturity IMO. It's being caused by insensitivity and selfishness. A lack of funds didn't bring all those things about in the two of you. And had it not been for money issues, these sources of your "angst" would no doubt have been brought to the surface by any of a number of other life issues that come about on a daily basis for everyone.

"How do I go about financially separating myself completely from my boyfriend without ruining the relationship?"

IMO it's already ruined. You hate and resent him. All the "love" in the world can't undo that. This doesn't sound like a very healthy situation to me. But good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 6:21pm
Money may seem like a little thing, but when you think about the fact that this pattern of irresponsibility will continue for the rest of your life with him (it will, don't expect him to change) it becomes huge. I recently heard a statistic that said almost half of marriages end because of money. He allows friends to disrespect you and treat you poorly, which is a symptom of disrespect, and the fact that he can't make good on his debts with you is another sign of his lack of respect. I know that it hurts to lose someone over something like money, which seems so disconnected from love, but his behavior to you in this area of your life is just one sign of the way he isn't treating you the way you deserve.



Good luck!