Resentment Problems--HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Resentment Problems--HELP!
4
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 4:52pm

I have been married for a little over 2 years, but have been with DH for 5 years. Our relationship has always been more of a mature love than an infatuation, which is a great foundation for a marriage.


Here is the problem: Since getting married, DH has become obsessed with my breasts and feels that he DESERVES to touch them whenever he wants. I get annoyed because I will just get dressed and here he is trying to get my shirt off just to touch them. He constantly wants me to cook topless, which I refuse to do (don't want to risk burning myself). Playing with them is the only way he becomes arroused, but all the extra touching has caused this to actually turn me off. Ultimately this has led to an almost non-existant intimate life. I realized as I turned away from him early this morning (an hour earlier than I normally wake up) that I am starting to resent his touch and ultimately resent sex. It really hurts him when I turn away, I have tried talking to him about this problem but he doesn't understand.


How can I help him understand that I love him, I enjoy sex with him (once we get started), but he needs to cut back on the groping?


Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 4:57pm

Welcome to the board jaimes105,


Have you tried sitting him down outside the bedroom and explaining that the breast obsession is getting old and turning you off? If not, than you need to. Or when he starts touching your breats try redirecting them to your butt or elsewhere and maybe he would get the hint.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:02pm

I agree. I think you should tell him that you're beginning to associate sex and intimacy with unwanted touching and it's making you resent being sexual with him.

I hate to say it but I would think LONG AND HARD about being with a man who felt it was his right to molest me whenever he wanted. Your body belongs to you except when you choose to share it with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:09pm

Welcome to the board jaimes105,


I agree with cl-ctara - away from the bedroom, talk to him about how caressing is different than groping and how you feel about it.


Also, you might get some additional input here:


Let's Talk about Sex





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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:13pm

He has to understand that you are not an "object" to be played with and enjoyed whenever he is in the mood, but that sexual intimacy must be mutual and at a time and place where both individuals feel comfortable. If he can't understand this, if he can't help create meaningful boundaries with you, then it's important for him to get some counseling with a professional who can help him break through the inner wall he's put up. He must learn to understand that his behavior is turning you off rather than on, and understand why that is happening. If he cannot, then he should realize that the very basis of your marriage is at risk. All marriages (and relationships) require mutual support and respect for one another's feelings, needs and boundaries. Just because he married you doesn't make you his property. You are still two individuals with needs for separate time, space and respect.


Best wishes,