Is this the right thing to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Is this the right thing to do?
3
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 9:40pm
Lydia
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 10:20pm

I think it's important to realize that your boyfriend is NOT making compromises for you that you make for him. It's not even a compromise or a sacrifice - it's just taking an hour out of his week to do something nice for you in return for you making an effort to immerse yourself in his life. That's uneven and not very mature.

I agree you are very considerate. Maybe too considerate. I think if you stay with this person, you will be making sacrifices left and right to live by his terms and not your own.

It would also not be wise to marry a man who is as tied to his mother as he is.

This guy is not marriage material at this point in his life - bottom line. He may never be. I don't think he has the emotional maturity to respect another woman at the same level he respects his mother. It's crucial that you understand that this man, including the life he lives and the people in it, is the one you'll be with for the rest of your life if you chose to say "I do". I, personally, would want to be able to expect more from someone. His priorities seem to be: Him, Mom, You. In that order.

The reason you hardly ever argue seems to be because you go along with whatever he needs. You're an individual too - make sure you're getting your needs fulfilled from this relationship too, and the answers will be more clear.

Please pick up the book: Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 2:34pm

Welcome to the board lydia,


I think maybe if you do go to his church he will see what you are doing and that might make him go to yours with you. But if you can't continue to live with his mom, you need to let him know this now. Let him know how you feel about everything before any resentment builds up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 2:45pm

He needs to cut the natal cord with his mother if he's EVER going to have a successful relationship with you or any woman.