rollercoaster sex life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
rollercoaster sex life
3
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:40pm
My boyfriend and I have been together going on almost 2 years. We moved in together after a few months of knowing each other. It was a fast paced relationship but a very substantial one at that. We lived in different cities prior to moving in together but he visited me every weekend he possibly could. The sex was amazing in the beginning. Its still amazing.... when it does occur. However, it seems that we go through these droughts where it will occur daily for a couple of days and then we go a couple of weeks or maybe even a month without any. I try to instigate the sex more than he does, but he constantly refuses with a mix of excuses; "Im not in the mood" or "Im tired". The inevitable question of whether he is cheating is virtually out of the picture considering we share everything and anything and when we talk about it, I know in his voice he isn't lying about cheating. So I can't understand what goes through his head and why he is constantly pushing me away in bed. I consider him my life partner and we talk about marriage constantly. Im in my mid 20's and I think about what its going to be like in my 30's and it scares me. Im not a nympho but I like to be made love to by the man that I love. I really try to understand where he comes from. He had a rough past relationship with a wife who cheated and it is understandable that his sex drive would diminish with her.....but why is it diminishing with me when I have done nothing but genuinely care for him? When I confront him about it, he becomes more distant in bed and even blames it on my "nagging" I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like it is trully affecting our relationship and whatever damage it has not yet done, it will catch up in the future. What am i suppose to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 1:30pm

Welcome to the board hopefulkat,


Are there any other problems in your relationship because most problems in the bedroom are caused by problems outside the bedroom. If this isn't the case, than have him get checked out by his doctor to rule out anything medical causing his lack of desire.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 3:29pm
Thank you for your reply. Its hard to think of anything specific. We have a wonderful relationship besides the sex. We fight about money sometimes but nothing huge that could cause his lack of desire. We are both going back to school now so we are tight with our money but when we do go out, we have a blast together, alone and with our friends. We have tons of fun at home making funny faces and giving each other massages... the typical cutesy couple stuff. And like i posted on the previous message, the sex is not bad at all...it just doesnt happen as often as i think it should or want it to. He doesnt have any functional problems...just time lapses. Any other suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 3:35pm

Would he be willing to make some sort of compromise with you? For example, you could agree to having sex "x" amounts of times a week to where both of you would be happy with it.


Other I that I don't have any other suggestions. You could try posting on the let's talk about sex board. Here is a link to it http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&nav=start