Rude Comments
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| Fri, 06-25-2004 - 7:41pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months, living together for 15 months. He is 30 and I am 25. We have a very happy and understanding relationship. We get along very well, rarely argue and have never had a blowout. He is very respectful to me, until today. I have to explain a little so there is no confusion so bear with me.
Last night I noticed that the filter in one of our fish tanks wasn't working. I unplugged it and looked at it but since I don't know the first thing about fish tank fiters, I asked my BF if he could look at it. I know he heard me but he didn't respond so I just figured he would look at it when he got the chance.
Well he sends me an email at work this afternoon an hour before he was supposed to be at his work and says he has fixed the filter. I replied thanks and asked what was wrong with it. He said it was clogged and then proceeded to tell me that I didn't even make an effort to fix it and that I am "not crippled, you know." Well my jaw almost fell off my face. He has NEVER talked to me like that before. I thought that he must be joking so I just replied that I was sorry. He replies back that he wishes I would contribute more and that he can't do everything and that there have been crumbs on the coffee table for a couple of days, white "stuff" on top of the entertainment center and old leftovers in the fridge. Then he sends me another email saying he was not trying to be an jerk and if I disagreed to tell him he was out of line. I just ended the discussion because he was leaving and I didn't want to get into this on my work email.
Maybe I am wrong here, but the stuff he listed is SO ridiculous! I feel so unappreciated now. I do pull my weight of household chores. I do the dishes 98% of the time. We don't have a dishwasher. He has NEVER cleaned the bathroom or swept or mopped the kitchen floor. These things don't clean themselves. (I wish!) I iron all his work shirts. I cook, do laundry and vacuum half the time. He does it the other half. He mows the lawn and cleans the garage. It seems to me that he thinks I am slacking off and becoming lazy or something. Maybe he thinks I am not all he thought I was. I don't know what his problem is. I am the first girlfriend he has lived with if that helps.
I am just really upset about his disrespectful behavior. At least I think it is disrespectful. This came at me from left field. He does not normally act this way. I have to wait until he comes home from work to talk to him about this too. I don't know why we couldn't have this discussion face to face instead of through email. Am I over reacting? I just wanted some outside opinion and advice.

"Since you expressed an interest in what I think about this situation, I hope you won't mind that I'm honest with you. I'm not exactly sure how to say this as I don't want this to esculate, but I'd like to understand your point of view. First, I have to say that I thought the comments about me were rude and unfair. I don't understand filters enough to make an attempt to fix it. But by far, the worst comment was 'you're not crippled, you know." It not only hurt my feelings but made me wonder how you really feel about me.
You expressed that you would like me to contribute more, which included examples of crumbs on the coffee table, white "stuff" on top of the entertainment center and old leftovers in the fridge. Obviously these are things that need to be cleaned up, however, feel I do contribute - I do dishes 98% of the time, vaccum 50% of the time, not to mention that I clean the bathroom, sweep/mop the kitchen floor, I iron, I cook and do all the laundry.
I would like to discuss expectations in our relationship in regards to household chores. I would also like to know if it was my imagination or where you suggesting that I am slacking off and becoming lazy."
Probably too much, but you get the gist. Good luck to you.
Edited 6/26/2004 6:53 pm ET ET by itwinflame
Carrie