ruined friendship

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
ruined friendship
18
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 4:58pm
I AM MARRIED AND A FEW MONTHS AGO I MET A GUY THROUGH WORK AND IMMEDIATELY WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM. HE ALSO COMMENTED THAT HE WAS ATTRACTED TO ME AT FIRST SIGHT AS WELL. TIME WENT ON AND HE FOUND OUT I WAS MARRIED( I TOLD HIM) AND STILL THE ATTRACTION WAS THERE. HE WOULD FLIRT AND EVEN MAKE SEXUAL COMMENTS TOWARDS ME BUT THEN ON THE OTHER HAND HE WOULD SAY THAT HE COULDN'T LET HIMSELF DO THAT BECAUSE I BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE.HE HAS OFTEN SAID THAT IF THE SITUATION WAS DIFFERENT HE WOULD WANT TO BE WITH ME. ONE DAY WHEN WE WERE ALONE WE HUGGED AND HE ASKED ME IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG " DIDN'T I WANT TO HUG HIM" . THE ONLY THING THAT CAME FROM THIS WAS A LITTLE KISSING ON THE NECK,WHICH I KNOW HE ENJOYED BECAUSE OF HIS "EXCITEMENT"(IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING). HE WOULD NOT LET HIMSELF KISS ME ON THE LIPS, BUT HE ASKED ME PERFORM ORAL SEX AND I REFUSED.WE WERE BOTH IN TO IT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE BECAME COLD AS ICE AND STATED THAT HE TOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I LEFT BECAUSE HE WAS JUST TESTING HIMSELF TO SEE IF HE COULD RESIST ME.AND AT THIS TIME WE HAD GROWN TO BE FRIENDS AND TALKED OFTEN. SINCE THEN WE HAVE BARELY SAID TEN WORDS TO EACH OTHER EVEN THOUGH I APOLIGIZED AND HE SAID EVERYTHING IS COOL. I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIS FRIENDSHIP, WHAT CAN I DO?WHY WOULD HE LEAD ME ON TO LET ME DOWN? AND WHAT COULD BE THE REASON FOR HIS BEHAVIOR? COULD THERE BE MORE FEELINGS INVOLVED THAN WE THOUGHT?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 7:45pm

I wont even begin with all of the reasons why you shouldnt have came close to this man because of you being married but.......


He pulled away from you most likely because he reealized that what he was doing was wrong. He is quiet now because he doesnt know how to make things right. My advice to you would be to wait it out and see if he'll reciprocate your FRIENDSHIP. YOu already apologized.....


In the future I would discourage you from engaging in relations with people other than your own husband..unless you get a divorce first.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 10:21pm
He wants sex with you. You said no so now he is avoiding you. He is o.k. with having sex with a married woman. He probably prefers it because there isn't a commitment. What does that say about him????

Why are you concerned with his feelings and not your husband's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 8:35am
WHEN I SAID I WAS MARRIED IT WAS ONLY IN THE LEGAL SENSE. MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF HAVE LIVED VERY SEPARATE LIVES FOR A WHILE NOW. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF VERBAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE AT HIS HANDS. COULD THIS BE THE REASON THINGS HAPPENED? HE HAS MADE ME THINK FOR SO LONG THAT I WAS UNATTRATIVE AND UNWANTED UNTIL I DID NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MYSELF WHEN I DID GET POSITIVE ATTENTION.BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE CRAP AND I AM STARTING TO MISS THE FRIENDSHIP I HAD WITH THE OTHER GUY. NOW I KNOW WHY PEOPLE SAY YOU SHOULD NOT CROSS THE FRIENDSHIP BARRIER FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, IT ALMOST ALWAYS ENDS IN DISASTER!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 8:45am
THAT'S NOT QUITE HOW IT HAPPENED, HE WANTED A SEXUAL ACT, I SAID NO, THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE FLIPPED THE SCRIPT SAYING HE KNEW THIS WAS WRONG BECAUSE I BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE. BUT HE KNEW THIS ALL ALONG, AND STILL HE INTIATED THE HUG (WHICH I GAVE HIME THE TYPICAL FRIEND HUG) AND HE WANTED AN EMBRACE, AND HE DIDN'T REJECT ME WHEN I WAS KISSING HIM. BUT AFTER THE REQUEST HE MADE AND I REJECTED HE TRIED TO PLAY LIKE HE WAS SO RIGHTEOUS SAYING THAT THIS WAS A TEST FOR HIM TO SEE IF HE COULD RESIST ME. SINCE THIS THINGS HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT NO IM'S, NO E-MAILS, ONE CALL AND IN THAT CALL HE SAID THAT AFTER I LEFT HE FELT REAL UNCOMFORTABLE. BUT HE WAS THE ONE THAT INVITED ME OVER TO PICK UP A PAPER THAT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN FROM HIM ANYWHERE ELSE , AT SOME OTHER TIME. WE HAD A GOOD FRIENDSHIP GOING, I WISH I HAD'NT CROSSED THE LINE.

BY THE WAY ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE SEPARATED.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:27pm
lower case n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 10:50am
Sorry about the caps, did not know until today that this is considered to be shouting.Sorry everyone, please look over me this time .
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:06am
GET A DIVORCE, THEN START DATING.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:43pm
Lets see. He doesn’t want to kiss on the lips, but asks you to perform oral sex. And then when you refuse, he suddenly ‘changes’ and says that he was just testing himself to see if he could resist you (so that he could be the 1 to reject you and not the other way around when you refused him oral sex). Sorry to say this – but he was using you. He was fine with everything until you said no. The only ‘friendship and ‘feelings’ there may have been were in your mind. But that doesn’t make them true.

If I were you, I would try counseling because you mentioned that you were in an abusive marriage which has now ended and that as a result, you have low self-esteem – which this guy probably picked up on and figured you would be an easy sexual target. Therapy will help you not to fall into this situation again. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 4:31pm

i completely agree with jschaedler. This guy was completely using you. Write us back and explain what

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 10:01am
Yeah, I do know his middle name, where he grew up and was born, birthday, birth sign,and we went out to lunch. So you are saying this has all been a game to him?He has had it in his plan to play this saintly" I can't do this, you belong to someone else!" so I would be the predator and him the prey?And him not kissing me was a way to keep things sexual and not intimate?So I gave him his motive and alibi all rolled up into one.Thanks for the eye opener!!!!

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