ruined friendship

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
ruined friendship
18
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 4:58pm
I AM MARRIED AND A FEW MONTHS AGO I MET A GUY THROUGH WORK AND IMMEDIATELY WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM. HE ALSO COMMENTED THAT HE WAS ATTRACTED TO ME AT FIRST SIGHT AS WELL. TIME WENT ON AND HE FOUND OUT I WAS MARRIED( I TOLD HIM) AND STILL THE ATTRACTION WAS THERE. HE WOULD FLIRT AND EVEN MAKE SEXUAL COMMENTS TOWARDS ME BUT THEN ON THE OTHER HAND HE WOULD SAY THAT HE COULDN'T LET HIMSELF DO THAT BECAUSE I BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE.HE HAS OFTEN SAID THAT IF THE SITUATION WAS DIFFERENT HE WOULD WANT TO BE WITH ME. ONE DAY WHEN WE WERE ALONE WE HUGGED AND HE ASKED ME IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG " DIDN'T I WANT TO HUG HIM" . THE ONLY THING THAT CAME FROM THIS WAS A LITTLE KISSING ON THE NECK,WHICH I KNOW HE ENJOYED BECAUSE OF HIS "EXCITEMENT"(IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING). HE WOULD NOT LET HIMSELF KISS ME ON THE LIPS, BUT HE ASKED ME PERFORM ORAL SEX AND I REFUSED.WE WERE BOTH IN TO IT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE BECAME COLD AS ICE AND STATED THAT HE TOUGHT IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I LEFT BECAUSE HE WAS JUST TESTING HIMSELF TO SEE IF HE COULD RESIST ME.AND AT THIS TIME WE HAD GROWN TO BE FRIENDS AND TALKED OFTEN. SINCE THEN WE HAVE BARELY SAID TEN WORDS TO EACH OTHER EVEN THOUGH I APOLIGIZED AND HE SAID EVERYTHING IS COOL. I DO NOT WANT TO LOOSE HIS FRIENDSHIP, WHAT CAN I DO?WHY WOULD HE LEAD ME ON TO LET ME DOWN? AND WHAT COULD BE THE REASON FOR HIS BEHAVIOR? COULD THERE BE MORE FEELINGS INVOLVED THAN WE THOUGHT?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 10:20am

yeah. men are evil.


atleast you have a clean conscience. you know? and even if you had given him oral- you were the prey... remember that no matter what he says.


and yes... he had this figured out all along.


unfortunately i was able to figure this all out from reading your post bc I know way too many men JUST like your "freind" who do this to women all the time.


if i were you i would get even. and just quit worrying about his feelings and what he's thinking. he is scum and could care less about you. he is a loser.


my usual advice:


get a tan. join a gym. get a few drinks. get a bike. join a political/volunteer group. buy a puppy/kitten. get a new outfit. take a pilates class. organize your drawers. learn a new diet .


then get even with that jerk and do something to embarrass him


or save yourself the time or energy... and just ignore him - but make yourself noticed and make sure he knows you could care less about him.



Love Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 11:07am
Thank You. And the getting even, oh, I've been thinking about that. The next time I see him I am going to act so nonchalant it is not funny, I am not going to go out my way to speak or to be spoken to but you can bet I am going to be looking good and he is going to be feeling like an idiot.Besides only I know the truth, if asking for a bj is his idea of foreplay, No wonder he's single!!!lol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 12:31pm
Update on post....Communicated with guy from post briefly via email. He kept things strictly business and professional. Question: Could he be trying to set himself up so he can put himself in a position to try this again? We are going on trip to a conference in Oct. ,not together we work for two different companies that have ties to one another . We will not go together but this is an overnight trip that will last 2 days. Or could he be trying to put things behind us and go ahead as friends? Feedback please!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 12:50pm

WHY... DO... YOU... CARE ???


he is a total jerk that used your vulnerabilities. whether he is setting you up again or trying to be freinds, either way, whats it to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 1:01pm
Just wanted some advice on what his motives may be so I can take caution when it comes to him. Personally I think he is after a second shot, which is one thing he will definately never get. I wanted to know if anyone felt the same so I would know if the vibe I was getting was right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 3:05pm

okay. but I'm just saying... why do you even care!???


you say that even IF his motives are to get

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 4:03pm
'...I can take caution when it comes to him.'

The best caution is to not put yourself in another position where you are alone with him. Stay professional. That is it.

He wants sex when it there is an opportunity.




Edited 9/1/2004 4:57 pm ET ET by ciao_gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 4:11pm
In all honesty - who cares what his motives are now? You certainly shouldn't.

Don't waste 1 more second trying to figure out this jerk. He has taken up enough of your time and energy already. Spend the time and energy that you have been wasting on this guy on something that will be a positive force in your life.

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