ruined opportunity?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
ruined opportunity?
3
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 4:41am
I went to lunch with my guy friend this past Sunday. This is the guy I've been posting about. He called Friday night and said he was going to be in my neighborhood for a project and wanted to know if I would be available for lunch. Our lunch went okay in the beginning until he tried to steer the conversation about relationships in general, twice. The conversation was about commitment...how does one know he/she is the one. I got nervous and skirted the subject both times he brought it up. This was at a conversational level I had wanted and I avoided it. I don't know why I did that. Maybe I wasn't ready to talk about the subject? So, when I notice what I did and became nervous during the rest of our lunch and I sensed he noticed my nervousness.

Then, he discovers that I have a good family friend he has had a falling out with. It turns out that my family friend and his children had hurt and betrayed him in the past. They used to be business partners and somehow they had cheated him out of some business deals.

Then our conversation just kind of dragged. I felt that I may have bored him and scared him. Normally at the end of our dates, he would say 'I'll catch you later' but this time he just said 'bye'.

Now I feel like I may have ruined the opportunity for something more in our relationship. So, I think I am now guilty too by my association with my family friend. Will he not want to hang out and contact me anymore?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 8:32am
When something is 'right', details do not get in the way and guys in general are not scared off by what you do/say. When there's not that feeling of a potential connection, anything you say or do can scare a guy away, but it's just an indication that you're probably not a match.

But I do sense from the posts I've read of yours, that you seem to have some self-esteem problems - why do you feel that you cannot discuss relationships openly? Is it because you are worried that you will say the wrong thing - when in reality there is no wrong thing, just your opinion/feelings versus his/others?

Trust and be true to yourself - don't second guess yourself or worry about what you do/say - this is why you probably felt nervous, because you were too concerned about behaving in a way that HE would approve of. Stop it!

Coolas


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 10:45am
This guy has been giving you just enough to keep you going and get your hopes up. I bet he has no clue. Because I don't think he is doing it on purpose. He is seeing you and talking to you as much as he wants, without any plans for the future or any real connection. If you guys really got along great then your relations to someone he doesn't like wouldn't matter.

You seem to put yourself in a place where you can always blame yourself, your actions, your reactions or your lack of action for his vagueness and non-commital attitude. You are not really seeing what you have with him for what it is- a lukewarm friendship with a glimmer of romance that is slowly dying.

How many times are you going to post here and get the same replys in which people are telling you to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 11:53am
Opportunity? Yes! Just one more opportunity for you to see that you and he are not a right fit for one another!