Ruined potential relationship...
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| Mon, 06-25-2007 - 9:29pm |
In the past six months, I've grown quite fond of a person whom I met online. We basically talked every day for hours at a time, discussing everything possible. Instantly, we seemed to connect on a deeper level than usual (for me at least). There is little we didn't share with one another. However, both of us are a little touched in the head, but in different ways. Meeting in person made the situation a very confusing experience. The long distance was a deterrent for him, but he still had interest in pursuing a relationship. But, as the week progressed, his mind kept swaying from..."sure, when do you want to meet next?!" to "I think it'd be best if we didn't talk again". So, I basically gave him an ultimatum…give me an answer or I won't talk to you at all. It was my mistake for trying to push him, but I am extremely stressed out to do other factors in my life. I'd need to allot time for him. So, as tension built, the straw that broke my back was him forgetting my birthday. I know this is petty. However, we talked so frequently that it really hurt. I got drunk off my ass and slurred so many vulgar insults his way that night and thoroughly dissed his female friends. Also, I threatened to harm myself if he didn't talk to me (not sure why). The next morning, I woke up with a hang over (semi-intoxicated) and made the situation even worse by cussing him out for not checking on me. I realize that I made a huge mistake. It made me feel like a such a horrible person.
I immediately apologized, but he wouldn't dignify it. I wrote two messages groveling profusely. Then afterward, I got in contact with his friend. We discussed what happened and he agreed to talk to the guy for me. That broke the silence after a week. He basically told me that I hurt him, there's nothing I can do, and that he's tired of communicating. Then afterward he made a remark of how there are so many people better than him and he can't understand why I'm so upset, so there's nothing left for him to say. So, I then replied stating the ball is in his court since I’ve exhausted my abilities.
I’m beating myself up for potentially ruining this relationship for good. I care about this individual quite a bit, and the thought of losing them makes me extremely sad. Is this salvageable, or shall I forget it? What is there left for me to do? Just play the waiting game?

Immortalbeloved, there is no relationship for you to try and recover. From what you write, it sounds like he already had one foot out the door. Here are the clues that he wasn't into you PRIOR to the chewing out you gave him:
Not wanting a LDR
Not being able to decide if he wanted a relationship with you
Forgetting your birthday
The bollocking you gave him on birthday simply made his "stay or go" decision far easier.
However, even though this relationship wasn't viable due to his lack of interest, please learn from your behaviour on the night of your birthday. If a boyfriend treated me like that, I'd break up before he could finish the phone call. And I wouldn't give a second chance. Vulgar insults, cussing, suicide threats etc are ALL absolute dealbreakers in my book.
Edited 6/26/2007 1:00 am ET by iv_aisha2004
Hi iv_aisha,
I just wanted to say thanks for being a part of these boards.
Welcome to the board immortalbeloved,
I hope you hear the good advice you've received.
Take this all as a learning experience in many ways.
I think what's most important here has nothing to do with the relationship, but with your own self. You truly need to understand why you behaved in that way with him. No, you're not a horrible person, but certainly there are strong issues you have cooking within. To threaten to harm yourself if he does not talk to you, is very controlling and frightening. It has nothing to do with establishing a healthy relationship based upon care and respect.
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