rumors..he believes..he ends things?

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Registered: 12-06-2005
rumors..he believes..he ends things?
6
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:58pm

I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. It has been a rough one but I do love him. IT just seems like everytime things are going good somethings happens and things start to fall apart. Things have been good for a while now no fights, arguing, anything at all. Well 2 days ago I went to bed early I was tired he stayed downstairs awake watching tv. He comes upstairs wakes me up and says I have a question do u have an STD? I was so confused and asked him what he was talking about and he tells me this girl saw him with me today in my car and that he was friends with. She texted him to tell him that I have an STD and to be careful. He said that her friend is good friends with my family and friends and knows me really well. First I get tested regularly and I am very religious about getting my paps and test for STD every year. I am a hypocrondriatic and he has even gone with me to the doctors before when I got tested and stuff so he know first hand. I wanted to know who would say such rotten things about me but he refused to tell me. I even told him I would go again to docs for tests again to prove it. I just went in January of this year. I am not even having sex with anyone but him anyway. He said no and dropped it. I didnt because I was upset about this person talking about me. It is defimation of character and will ruin my reputation. I have always been known to be a prude all my life and and havent had alot of partners (can count on one hand.) No one has every said these things about me before. Last night he asked if he could borrow my car. (he doesnt have one and had to do something.) When he comes back he wont talk to me says he wants to go home. When he does finally say something he tells me this person told him I slept with other guys(plural) while we we were on the outs and broke up at the time. I also want to say that I have never cheated on him and never gave him a reason to think otherwise. He said that this girl new things about me and my family like personal things that were true about my sisters and stuff so I guess she does know me but I cant figure out who would do such a thing to me. A lot of what he said was not ture though. I said to him that while we were broken up I did go on a couple dates and did kiss here or there but no sex. He wanted names so I told him who. He wanted to know why I didnt tell him all this and my response was that I never asked him who he was seeing or what he did while we were not together because it is none of my business like it isnt his. He got angry kept calling me a liar. He kept saying that he knows everything but when I asked him what he knows he cant answer and he keeps fishing for an answer from me. He broke up with me too but he kept arguing and calling to try and get me to say I did something wrong. Know I cant in my right mind understand why he wouldnt believe me and second if this person was my friend thatshe would know I am not like that.

I have been with this guy for over 2 years and this is coming to light now is wierd to me. I say this because if she is my friend and know me really well and is true why didnt she say it when it happened? Why now? We just got back together recently about a month ago. Before that we were talking on phone here and there but not dating for a couple monthes. He said the girl new we broke up and since she seen him with me she felt the need to tell him stuff so he can be safe. Why? We have been arguing all day about this but still he wont let me defend myself and talk to this person. It got so bad today that he started screaming that he is going to tell everyone that I have an STD and that I am disguisting because I wouldnt admitt to him that I slept with someone else. I am mortified. I didnt and I am not going to admitt to something that I didnt do. He kept saying if u just be honest we can move past this but I cant say this because it isnt true. He cant even tell me who they are saying I slept with. I am so hurt that after all this time with all the ups and downs that he would believe someone else over me. He is being so irrational to me and is so angry. I dont know what else to do. I told him I would go to the doctors again get tested for him, I told him that he can ask the guys this person said I slept with to see what they say, he wont. It would prove my inocense but he doenst care. It is like he likes this drama. It is always he said she said with him. If he loves me how can he let someone talk about me like this and not defend me but add to it. He wants me to confess to something that I didnt do and I cant. What do I do? I have argued and hung up on him and told him I was done and didnt want to talk to him because of all this. I do love him but I dont know how to clear my name and what about trust?

Edited 3/27/2007 2:01 pm ET by jrck123

Edited 3/27/2007 2:03 pm ET by jrck123




Edited 3/27/2007 2:07 pm ET by jrck123
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 2:23pm
You can love someone and know that you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. He doesn't trust you for his own weird reasons. Youa re spending way too much time and energy defending yourself. This girl may be trying to break you up and he may not be a trusting person and projecting that onto you. Honestly please re-evaluate why you are with someone who calls you names and why you want to stay in such a rocky relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 3:29pm

I'm sorry he's being so cruel to you. It's not nice of people to say stuff about you that isn't true.

Chances are, this girl doesn't exist and that he made this all up to keep you off balance mentally and emotionally. To make you feel ashamed of something you know isn't true. It's kinda like a smoke screen to keep your mind preoccupied while he sits on his high horse and condemns you... It's a form of control.

I had an ex, who, when things were going really well, would make stuff up just to incite an argument or make me feel ashamed of something. The only explanation I can come up with is that he was abusive and just plain crazy. He would "quote" stuff from people - real people that we were acquainted with - that didn't quite add up. He would make sh... stuff up all the time just to make me uneasy. I eventually tired of being abused, broke off the relationship and worked on my self-esteem in therapy.

You say it's been a rough, on and off relationship. Can you elaborate further?

edited for vocabulary




Edited 3/27/2007 4:00 pm ET by teeenybubbles
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:11pm

Hi jrck123 and welcome to the board,


WOW. The first thing I thought when I read your post was

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:32pm
thank u guys for your input. Yes that was the first thing I did. I have alot of friends but I only have 4 best friends(including my sis) that I share everything with about my personl life. I did ask them but I know that none of them would say anything to him or anyone for that matter. That is why we are all so close. There has never been he said or she said S**t talking with them. I have alot of other friends but I dont talk to them on daily bases. I dont share anything that is too personal with them either so that is why I am stumped. I spend more time defending myself with him than anything else. I agree I think he has trust issues and he takes it out on me. It is like I am always on trial. All day I was back and forth with this. I mean I do love him but I know deep down I know my answer to my own question. He is just not right for me and no matter how hard I try and do thing to try and make it work it never will. I think he either is lying about this girl and just starting a fight for no reason or if there is a girl talking about me it isnt my friend my accquiantice and wants us to break up so she can get her nails in him. Since he wont stop it and tell me who is doing all the ninth grade he said she said crap I am not talking to him. He said he doesnt care and is going to tell everyone these lies about me and make everyone hate me. I said "ok drama boy, go ahead I dont care I know what is true and not and I would rather be by myself that have to deal with u." There is no love here. He cant love me or anyone until he deals with his own issues. I dont have time for this crap anymore. I dont want to feel like I am on trial all the time because he is insecure. Thanks for the advice again
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:39pm
Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2001
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:15pm
You said you two had broken up and got back together recently. It is possible that while you two were on the outs he was with someone and caught a STD. He invents this story saying all of this stuff to see if you would admit to being with someone while you broken up. If you say you were, then he could put the blame on you without admitting being with another female, and giving you a STD, which you could have and he don't want to tell you that you may have something. Also he still could be seeing someone else.
This is just another possibility, but in any case if I were you I would get tested